LIVE VALENTINE’S DAY CHAT WITH SCOTT!: Tune in today at 11:30 a.m. for a live online chat with the Great Scott!
Q: Dear Greatest Scott in the Whole Wide World,
First let me say that I believe that guilt and regret are a waste of time, emotionally speaking. That being said, I am riddled with the former.
You may remember me, from Manhattan Beach, California, happy where we are but (me) longing to be back in Colorado and telling (pressuring?) my husband to make it happen.
So we are! And I am so incredibly psyched to come back and be near my family and my nieces and I really believe that it is the right choice for our family.
BUT, I cannot get over the nagging feeling that my husband would not be leaving his job and Cali if it were not for me and my desires…. I dream about it at night and wake up feeling miserable and so insecure and guilty (it’s worse than the “flunk-your-final-because-you’re-so-not-prepared bad dream”) but have asked COUNTLESS times, “are you sure? I will absolutely stay, happily, if you want to see where this job leads you,” BLAH BLAH BLAH.
He has said again and again that moving to Colorado means so much to me, and he wants me to be happy, and he is sure he can find a career path that is fulfilling there and that the most important thing to him is what is right for his family.
SO, my question is, do I ignore this insidious guilty feeling (a gift from my mother), and do what I feel in my heart will be the right decision (life is short, being near family and loved ones is the ONLY THING THAT MATTERS), or do I listen to the nagging voice that says that my husband would be making a different choice if it were not for me and the children? I look forward to your always sage advice.
– Guilty feeling (aka I know everything will be ok) in California
P.S. I so would look forward to your readers’ comments….is there any way I could access those while remaining anonymous?
SCOTT: Absolutely! That’s what we have the message forums for. Registration is simple, anonymous, and you can . Readers: please post any comments you might have for our guilty-feeling relocating friend in the message forums and I’ll post mine right here:
You’ve got one heckuva sweet husband if he’s willing to leave his job to move out of state just to make you happy, and he’s seemingly happy to do it. Lucky you!
Of course he’d be making a dissimilar decision if it weren’t for you and the kids, but since he does have you, you’re going to be part of the plan. What you can do to reciprocate is work on releasing that “gift” of insecurity and guilt that Mom gave you.
Thanks a lot Mom!
Oh, also try to stop with that nagging “Are you sure” question all of the time. Annoying!!
More than anything, what you can do for your relationship — not to mention your battered conscience — is be the best wife you can be and do your part to make your new lives in Colorado happy. Oh yeah, and don’t forget: guys like sex!
HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY!!!