Q: I have a general question about men and dating. I am a single thirty-something woman dating in the Denver scene. It seems to me that when you ignore a guy, it only makes him want to approach you more!
I understand the theory that people want what they can’t have, but just wonder – if a guy thinks like that, is he a keeper or just playing games?
Thanks for your insight!!
Scott: You’re welcome! I think we’re all sort of standoffish in the beginning of a potential relationship. Consider an extreme case where a guy throws himself at you and is overly anxious about making plans and merging as one with you. Gross, right? Even if he’s cute, that kind of overly-aggressive behavior would only devalue him, making him appear less attractive.
Like it or not, the beginning is a game of sorts and the best way is to play it out in the field is to flirt lightly, listen sincerely and appear comfortably confident even if you’re not.
Also, don’t be so quick to make future plans and for God’s sake, DO NOT discuss buzzkill topics like marriage, children, politics or religion. In fact, don’t discuss relationships at all. It’s too heavy. You’d stand a better chance of losing the other person’s interest than if you had ignored him completely.
Dear Readers:
I need more questions! I write the column 5x per week and that’s a lot but I couldn’t do it without you.
Need to know when it’s time for a career change or how to deal with your friends, parents or kids when they’re acting up? How about what to wear for an important date or work function?
I’m a good guy to bounce your ideas off of and I may not tell you what you want to hear but I’ll always give you the great advice you need, just like your best friend would.
I respond to every e-mail, and welcome your questions seeking general advice on love or anything else you’re curious about. Rest assured, the column is completely anonymous and your name and e-mail address will never be revealed.
Send me your questions for publication here.
Thanks!
– Scott