Columnist
Garrison Keillor
All Stories

Keillor: The absurdity of judging past actions by present standards
As my friend Pastor B.D. Christensen said Sunday, it's slippery ground, in general, to judge past actions by present standards and with a benefit of hindsight that is, morally, highly...

Keillor: Stuck inside of New York with the 1961 blues again
It dawned on me that, here in the Grand Central Oyster Bar, I was in a time warp and that, if I decided to not replace my dead iPhone, it...

Keillor: An old man talking to himself again
I'm conservative. I feel that what is inherited is more crucial than what is acquired, and there are as many conservatives on the left as on the right, maybe even...

Keillor: The art of the pejorative
When his old campaign manager was indicted Monday, Mr. Trump called me on the phone, crying like a baby, and begged me to endorse him. I said, "You're already president,...

Keillor: A man walks into a bar in Oregon
I sat in a bar in Eugene, Ore., with Meiko, Christopher and Keely, talking about barred owls, aging, Ireland, limericks, everything other than what's been in the news lately.

Keillor: A former obituary writer contemplates life at 75
When I was 20, I dropped out of college and got a job with a morning newspaper, writing obituaries. And now I'm 75 and the people in the obits are...

Keillor: Swedes award Nobel Prize in literature to a writer of migraines
Once again the humorless Swedes have chosen a writer of migraines for the Nobel Prize in literature. It's not a prize for literature, it's a prize for nihilism.

Keillor: If only the TSA lady had been here my whole life
I went through airport security Monday and neglected to take my laptop out of my briefcase and place it in a separate plastic bin and was properly chastised by a...

Keillor: Of thee they sing with feeling
The flag is the flag and hurray for it but the sight of it is not so moving as being in a crowd singing about the rockets' red glare, the...

Keillor: Beauty is truth and truth is factual
Any man who comes away from a visit to Houston and says people there are happy is eating the wrong mushrooms.