Q: How can I make my wife understand that screaming is not an effective way to deal with children? We have daughters 15 and 13, and a son 10. She is constantly screaming and yelling at them about every little thing. It seems to get worse as they get older.
– Tired of the Screaming
A: When parents lose control, children feel hurt and frustrated, and are left with little desire to please. Their motivation to be good gets crushed. Whatever lesson a parent may be trying to teach is lost in the anger of the moment.
In “ScreamFree Parenting,” Hal Runkel writes, “The only way to retain a position of influence with our children is to regain a position of control over ourselves.” He stresses that as a parent you must focus on yourself because “you are the only one you can ultimately control.”
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Q: I have a very bright 8-year-old son who is in the third grade. His dad and I have lived separately since our son was 5, and he is with each of us half-time. Since kindergarten we’ve heard teachers describe him as kind of being in a different world sometimes, not being on task with the rest of the class. He is an excellent reader and his grades have been above average. Doing homework has always been a struggle, sometimes taking twice as long as it should because he is easily distracted.
Two of his teachers say our son has issues with organization, distractibility and handwriting. Our son was tested by the school psychologist, who feels that our son is “ADD, possibly ADHD,” and suggested that he is a perfect candidate for medication.
I feel most of my son’s issues will improve as he matures.
– C.N.
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A: Many years ago I asked my training psychiatrist if medication helped kids with ADD/ADHD. She said, “It helps some kids and doesn’t help others.” It’s that simple.
Read “Answers to Distraction,” by Hallowell and Ratey. Their book answers questions about diagnosis, treatment, rumors and misinformation. Recent studies show that ADD does not always diminish with age.
Send questions to Cathleen Brown, care of The Denver Post, 1560 Broadway, Denver, CO 80202 or cabrown500
