Q: Dear Scott,
I read your column faithfully. Although I realize you
are not a therapist or a licensed counselor, I seek
your help.
In a nutshell, my son recently got married
on October 23, 2004. His new wife is no longer with
him.
My son has problems, this she knew from the
start.
The problem now is, I am afraid I might lose my son
forever.
She told him he was too controlling; this was
said after he found out that she was talking to another
man on her cell phone. Of course, she said it was an
old friend she has known for six years.
Before they were married, she
never carried her cell phone, but ever since, she has carried
it faithfully 24/7. She is also now on the Internet
almost 24/7. She has been talking to a military man in
Iraq who is soon to be divorced.
I don’t believe this
relationship was given a fair shot.
They have maybe been together about 45 days total. She lives
approximately 40 miles away with her mom. When the
going gets tough instead of working things out, she
runs home to mom.
Sometimes I can’t blame her, but do
the vows said on the altar mean nothing? I believe in
working through your problems and not running from
them.
I guess what I am hoping for is some answers
from a neutral party.
He is devastated, there are
children involved, his step-child and his biological
son. He wants to make her happy, but she refuses to
meet him halfway.
He has done everything she ever
requested. He has gone to counseling with a local
pastor, he has gotten medication for his mood swings,
he has showered her with gifts from flowers to stuffed
animals.
I am at a loss to see my son, at such a young
age — 20 to be exact — destroyed by this relationship.
I am hoping that maybe if you read this you could give
him advice. If you need more insight, I would be happy
to reply.
I just need help to understand as well as to
help my son.
Thank you Scott if you can help I appreciate it.
Scott: First of all, I love faithfulness, so thank you for reading my
column faithfully.
Speaking of faithfulness, I m sorry
things didn t work out between your son and his wife,
but they had some major problems and she was
two-timing him anyway.
All the signs of her outside
interests were there, and that s not good.
Therefore,
it s really best they aren t together. I hope you
realize this.
I too, believe in working out your problems – when they
can be worked out. But it s important for you to know
this relationship didn t stand a chance.
Breakups are
hard, and we ve all been there at one time or another.
It s a painful time for your son to get through, and
the best thing you can do is exactly what you re doing
now.
He s got counseling and medical help and he s
also got you.
Just continue to be supportive of him
through this difficult time, and stay close to him and
he ll eventually get through this.
But please let the
idea of him and his wife working things out go, because
the outlook for that isn t so good.