Q: Please help me understand the logic of men.
Yes, we all have our one night of fun when we meet someone that is attractive and interests you. Fine. You exchange numbers, and obviously know it’s probably the last time you will encounter each other.
OK, here is my question.
It might seem lengthy, but I want you to fully understand the question as I see it. I am a 31-year-old professional woman. I live in Kansas City. I generally spend most of my time working in an office. I go to the gym five days out of the week and spend the weekends with friends or family.
I am fairly social and enjoy dancing, concerts — pretty much what the general population likes to do.
I keep my family life at a distance from my co-workers and a handful of friends. Many people I’ve worked with for years don’t know anything about me, where I grew up, went to school, nothing.
I keep most of me away from others. My office does lack a personable presence but it’s a space to work.
I am aware that I lack the ability to “small talk.” I believe your story is special and should be shared with people you choose to let in. I see many people share their life story among others …Like extravasate.
You know too much. You listen with the unconscious stare, the enthralled look.
The “WOW”… EH? Over-rated. I choose to remain private. They probably wonder too much.
I am an attractive woman and get approached by many men. I usually listen to their story, the why I came to talk to you. Yeah, “you walked across the room to ask me what I do?”
HMMM
If I’m interested, I continue the conversation. If not, I usually leave or say nothing. Usually that works well. Again, the “small talk” — I’m not great.
But this time I was completely caught off-guard.
He interested me. He had incredible features and was very forward. More so than any other man I have encountered.
We talked most of the evening we met. Even when I didn’t budge, he persuaded me to share more. He wanted more. I pretty much vomited my whole life story that night.
Yeah, not me.
His kiss was incredible and I had a fantastic night. I was exposed. Somehow, I let it happen.
Wham — everything from my childhood to how I ended up in Kansas City.
EVERYTHING.
In a short time (a little over ten days) we talked every day, night, found out about each other. The late night calls, the early morning calls, the way he would get mad when I would root for KU (he hated KU).
I looked forward to all of them. I liked him. His voice. His laugh. He excited me.
Then all of a sudden. Wham — he never called again.
Nothing, zilch, nada.
I text messaged a few times and left a voice message, but I haven’t heard from him.
Was this all about me? Why would a man be so interested in you share his life stories and want to know all about you then — poof — be done.
The late night calls, the steamy talks, was that all just a part of the game?
Why not end it that night?
Anyhow, you probably wonder why I would be sending an e-mail to The Denver Post. Well this particular man is from Denver. I was checking the obituaries to see if maybe that’s why he has not called. Pathetic, huh….
Can you give me a logical explanation? Well other than I’ve been played?
Scott: Thanks for the lengthy question. I wasn’t doing anything anyway, and actually quite enjoyed the 20 minutes it took to read it.
I’m only kidding (but honestly, did I really need to know that your office lacks a personable presence?).
Alright, no more joking around.
You wrote to me for a logical explanation and that’s what you’re gonna get, along with some advice thrown in for good measure.
I have a pretty good understanding of what was going on with you and this guy. I don’t know that I’d say that he played you, but instead, he could have been “play-ing.”
“Played” to me is more like conning and I don’t necessarily think he was conning you. He probably really was genuinely interested in getting to know you and how you are, but maybe that’s where it ended.
Understanding the logic of this man could not be accomplished in only 10 days, and even though you talked morning noon and night and knew that he hates KU, you didn’t know him well enough to know what he really wanted from you.
That’s what his actions tell you instead.
Now for the advice.
When you find yourself checking the obituaries trying to figure out what happened to a guy who hasn’t called, stop yourself and go do something productive.