Q: Hello Scott,
I am kind of confused. I’m gay and I have a friend that I was with a few years back.
He drank alcohol almost everyday. I thought that he would quit and I always tried to help, but then he would still drink and hide the drinks.
His family has a history of alcohol and therefore they enabled his alcoholism. I finally had to leave him because he could never hold a job, and wouldn’t give anything to the relationship although he thought he did.
I worked all the time and supported him for over a year.
I couldn’t take it anymore, because his family would get mad at me if I would tell him not to drink. And so he was always on their side.
After I was gone, he began to get very ill. I believe the doctors diagnosed him with cirrhosis of the liver.
Well today, I found out that he was in the hospital and was in a coma because his liver did in fact fail him.
My question is kind of two-fold.
I really want to go see him in the hospital, but I don’t want to bring up any bad feelings with his family.
What do you think I should do, and should I go anyway?
Hope to hear from you soon.
Thanks for your help.
Scott: Wow, thanks for sharing your story. How very sad about your friend. You know you tried to help, but he needed much more than you could do for him.
Going to see him could be a problem, because if he’s in a coma, there could be strict visitation rules.
For example, visitors could be limited to family members only, or you might even need their consent to see him, so check into it.
If this is the case, call them and express that you’d like to go see him and see how they respond to you. Tell them you’d like their consent but don’t want to cause any problems or bad feelings.
If you can’t work anything out with them, it’s best to avoid them and send him your warm wishes instead.
The poor guy. Hopefully one day, he’ll wake up and get the help he needs.
In the meantime, hang in there and you’re more than welcome to write again if you need to.