Q: Dear Scott,
Generally, I enjoy your column and enjoy reading your advice to questions.
However, I thought your answer to “What’s Wrong with Having Male Friends” could have been much, much better.
Yes, she should go be single if she’s enjoying it. Yes, he sounds too controlling. But I don’t think you quite drove home the point with this guy.
As soon as I read the reader’s question, *major* alarms went off in my head.
HE cheated on HER, and now he doesn’t trust her to have male friends? He checks her phone to see who she’s been talking to? He “forbids” her from hanging out with other men?
This type of behavior demonstrate *classic* signs of an abuser. And the most successful abusers are the ones that seem to be very caring and protective.
This is how they are so effective at controlling; this is why it is so difficult for many victims to realize the situation that they are in. And mental abusers frequently turn into physical abusers down the road.
She should RUN RUN RUN. Forget trying to be friends with him. Forget worrying about whether she’ll lose him forever. You should tell her to get out while she can… please!
-Someone who knows
Scott: I don’t get this, I really don’t.
Nowhere did the reader say that her boyfriend checks her cell phone, nor did she say that he “forbids” her from having male friends.
Here’s what she did say: “I am lucky enough to have met someone wonderful. David treats me better than anyone has ever treated me before. He takes care of me, and loves me, and makes me laugh.”
That’s the sign of a classic abuser?
Also, she didn’t even say he cheated on her, but that he slept with someone else while they were separated.
See? He’s just a jealous guy! I hate to say it, but it sort of sounds like someone’s bringing their own issues into this.
Only one of us can be Great Scott!
All right, I’m just joking. There wouldn’t be a “me” without you, so keep those e-mails coming.
And by the way, I love receiving e-mail from readers (romance and otherwise), but please post your general comments in the message forums (see below) and then of course send all your questions to me.
Love you, mean it.