Q: Dear Scott,
While this may seem like a small issue in comparison to some, I still need some advice.
My boyfriend and I have been together for almost two years. Everything is wonderful, and we very rarely fight. We know we are going to get married, but since we have both been that route before, we’re just not in a huge hurry.
The problem is, he’s getting transferred to Minnesota very soon with his job. It’s an unspoken agreement that I am moving too.
My friends first reaction always is “well, when do you get the ring, then?” meaning that they believe we should be engaged for me to pack up, leave my jobs, and move somewhere where he has friends already (he lived in MN previously) and I know no one.
I don’t really have doubts about us, and am not worried about making the move without having an engagement ring on my finger.
He’s said before that he wants to wait until he can afford to put the ring he feels I deserve on my finger. I know that this is not going to happen until after we are settled up there, and I don’t want to stay here without him.
Am I absolutely crazy to undergo this transplantation and take the leap of faith that I’m not doing something crazy?
I think the skepticism of my friends is what has me thinking twice. I’ve had bad experiences from listening to my heart too much and ignoring what my friends are telling me.
— Confused but wanting to go….
Scott: First, let me tell you there’s nothing wrong with moving with your boyfriend without a ring.
You say your relationship is wonderful, you don’t want to stay where you are now without him and you have no doubts about being together, so what else is there to think about?
Don’t let your friends fill you with doubts, because really, no one can say how things are going to go until and unless you go with him. If by chance things don’t work out, it’s not like you can never move back, so you don’t have a lot to lose by going.
Really, a ring is not going to make any difference whatsoever, so let your friends worry about their own rings.
You’ll get yours when the time is right in your relationship, and only you and your boyfriend will determine when and if that time is ever appropriate. But you know if you don’t give Minnesota a try, you’ll always be wondering what could have happened if you had gone.
Bon voyage!