Q: Dear Scott,
Have you ever considered cheating in a relationship?
Have you ever cheated?
Obviously you’re not obliged to answer those publicly if you’re uncomfortable with that. However, I like to give men the benefit of the doubt when it comes to fidelity.
I assume you’re a man of integrity. So, your answer to the above questions, based on my unfounded assumption of your character, should be NO, right?
Doesn’t cheating violate the parameters of “integrity?” Or has that definition become relaxed in today’s environment. If you have cheated or strongly considered cheating, do you still consider yourself a man of high character?
My point: as I hit my mid 30s I am increasingly confronted with men cheating in their relationships. (I equally know several women cheaters, too – however, my question is based more on the makeup of the male psyche. If you’d like ME to write a column on why women cheat, let me know.)
These are men I hold in high esteem. I am astounded at how commonplace affairs – physical, emotional, etc – have become.
And my question is this – is it enough anymore to find a man you feel has integrity, strong character, and assume that he is not prone to infidelity?
Is any and every man subject to stray these days? Or are there men out there that simply REFUSE to be unfaithful based on morals?
Oh yeah . . . how do you tell the difference (million $ question, right)?
Thanks,
– EveryGirl
SCOTT: Everyone who writes to this column is honest and open about their personal lives, so why not me?
Actually, you guys don’t have to have your picture posted next to your personal life, so that’s one good reason! But even though you get to be anonymous and I don’t, I still don’t mind.
In fact, those who know me know I am brutally honest; my life is an open book and will tell you whatever you want to know, which is not always necessarily what you want to hear.
All of that is my preface to this: I’ve never cheated in a relationship. Never.
I’m not saying I don’t have flaws – believe me, I do – but just not that flaw.
And what you need to know is that there’re plenty of other guys out there just like me, so you must give men the benefit of the doubt and treat them on a case-by-case basis. If every man you meet is unfaithful, then you should look at the choices you are making when it comes to men instead of the gender as a whole.
If you want to know a little about the male psyche, I think men do tend to cheat more than women because it is easier for them to objectify sex and they tend to be less emotional about it. That’s why guys like to order pizza right after an orgasm!
And does cheating violate the parameters of integrity? Absolutely! Mostly because it’s dishonest.
I always give the same advice to anyone who wants to cheat: break off the relationship first and then you don’t have to cheat and you can sleep at night and live your life honestly.
Doesn’t that make sense? But nooo! Some people are selfish and want to have their cake and eat it too, but have no fear, for they usually reap the consequences along with the “benefits.”
So how do you tell the difference between a man who will cheat and a man who won’t? By getting to know them well first, and a good candidate is someone who has a strong belief system and good values.
There. You owe me a million dollars.