Q: Dear Scott,
Hello there, it’s me again … Confused & Committed. I’m the guy who’s
posted three times since last December about a girlfriend who moved 700
miles away to Denver for a job transfer and who then ended our relationship.
There have been some pretty major developments recently and I’d like to
get your thoughts on them.
First of all, after six months of keeping my life on hold, I decided to
“move on” to the extent I wasn’t going to sit around waiting for my
ex-girlfriend to come around, and also to the extent of opening myself up to
the possibility of dating other women if anyone approached me. We talked
about it on the phone a couple months ago and we were both crying. I told
her I didn’t really want to do this, but I couldn’t wait forever. She said
she never stopped loving me. Again, I was way confused, but had to focus
more on me. Now we’re communicating more than ever and we both consider each
other very dear friends. Heck, to me she’s my soul mate.
A couple weeks after I “moved on,” I ran into a lady who I’ve known casually
since high school. Long story short, we started seeing each other once in a
while and were intimate a few times. About a month ago, she and I were out
and about and stopped into a local pub. Next thing I know I see my
ex-girlfriend walk in. I was absolutely stunned. She approached me, gave me
a hug, and we chatted for less than a minute. She then proceeded to go sit
with other friends who were also there. She and I met up the next day for
about a half hour and she told me she came into town unannounced for a job
interview back home. WOW!
Within the past week I ended the “relationship” with the new woman (having
discovered she has a cocaine problem and was really getting flaky), and
yesterday my ex-girlfriend told me she resigned from her position in Denver and
will be back here by the middle of next month. I am absolutely thrilled!
My ex-girlfriend told me she had her reservations because she’s worried
about what might happen between us. In other words, she probably feels I’m
going to really push the reconciling issue. I will say that I’m absolutely
looking forward to having her back here. She had no life in Denver and
worked all the time, so I know she’ll be happier here, too. I know I’ll see
her at the old stomping grounds again.
So, knowing we still love each other, but she’s still not ready for
anything, how would you suggest I interact with her knowing I still hope and
want to reconcile and reunite some day?
As a friend told me … one thing’s for sure, your life isn’t boring.
Signed,
Confused & Committed
A:
Wow, sure isn’t! What an amazing story and thanks for the update. I know to
you it seemed like forever but you finally got your wish and the girl of
your dreams is finally moving back. Something tells me you don’t need to
worry about her knowing you want to get back together though because anyone
could see that!
Focus on staying cool and giving her the space to adjust to life back home
where she will no doubt be much happier. Seriously, smothering her would
only cause her to pull back and we all know you don’t want that. Also, make
it a point to really listen to what she’s telling you. If she says she’s
still not ready for anything, you have to respect it. She might come around and
she might not, but give her the freedom to make that decision on her own.
I will close with the same advice I’ve given you all along: you’ve made it
perfectly clear what you want from her so focus on a friendship for now and
let what’s meant to be play out on its own. Love will always find a way.
Oh and be sure to write again. I’d love to know how what happens.