Dear Amy: My husband will mock me, make fun of me, nag me about every little thing, and then when I get hurt or upset he acts as if he’s done nothing wrong, and he denies that he should take responsibility for his actions.
He enjoys putting me down to the point where I will be on the verge of tears. Since my father died, my doctor put me on an antidepressant; now my husband calls me a “wacko.” He is a name-caller – even with our two children.
Our daughter is afraid of the dark, so he tells her there’s something wrong in her head. She is only 5 years old.
I can’t seem to get through to him how hurtful this is and how damaging it is to the children. Do you have any advice?
– Frustrated in Fogelsville
Dear Frustrated: First, your husband needs to stop doing what he’s doing. Then he needs to find better, more positive ways to behave.
Schoolyard bullies engage in put-downs and name-calling and make fun of people who are depressed, scared or vulnerable. If your husband wants to take his place in your family as a true partner to you and father to your kids, he will grow the heck up, now.
Now, on to you. It’s time for you to stand up to your husband and insist that he speak to you, about you and to and about the children with respect. You, your husband and the kids should have a contract about name-calling. Because this very basic “no put-downs” rule seems to work in most kindergartens, it should work in your household as well.
If your own self-esteem and well-being aren’t motivation enough for your husband to change his ways, he should know that when he puts down, makes fun of or denigrates his children, he is modeling behavior that they will surely imitate. …
Dear Amy: One of the many things I don’t understand about women is why can’t a breakup be a breakup? When a relationship ends on amiable terms, some of my exes want to continue seeing me “as a friend” – even if it was she who ended it.
You’re always telling people to move on after the distress of a split (which I believe is good advice), but how can I do that if these women keep reappearing? Should I tell them to get lost?
– Flustered
Dear Flustered: Perhaps these women stick around because they like you. I know it sounds radical, but maybe you need to start thinking of yourself as a fabulous guy whom women can’t quite leave behind.
On the one hand, I’d like to encourage you to be more open to friendship. Your exes might have more to offer than you realize. Many an ex has introduced a former flame to a future flame, for instance.
On the other hand, no one can force you to be in a relationship against your will. If you don’t like the way you feel when you’re with these women, then don’t spend time with them.
…
Dear Amy: When my bulldog neared the end of her life, I did everything I could to keep her weight up. This meant lots of treats between meals.
My husband’s Jack Russell terrier got her share of treats, because I wanted to keep the peace between the two dogs.
By the time my bulldog died, the terrier looked like a beer barrel.
I took full responsibility and resolved that we would lose the weight together. On our first “fitness walk,” a woman stopped to pet the terrier.
Although she did not mention it, I realized how embarrassed I was by the dog’s weight.
After the woman walked away I could not help myself. I blurted out: “She’s not usually this fat!” The woman turned around laughing and yelled, “Neither am I!”
– Alix Smith, Portland, Ore.
Dear Alix: Thanks for the laugh.
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