Dear Amy: I am 27 years old, and I think I’m falling in love with the right woman at the wrong time. I have just started taking an acting class at a community college.
It is one of the best things I’ve ever done, but I’ve met someone in the class whom I am falling for, big time! Unfortunately she is engaged and will be married this summer.
We’ve done a couple of scenes together, which means that we have had to communicate with each other outside of class, and every time we’ve met, I float home. She is breathtakingly beautiful. She makes me laugh and stimulates a creative side I didn’t know I had.
The class is only once a week, but I look forward to that one day like Christmas morning. Should I tell her how I feel or just ignore it? In a month, she’ll be moving out of the country, so even if I tell her I don’t know what good it would do. What should I do?
– Dazed and Confused
Dear Dazed: Your feelings might in part be a reaction to the scenes you’re working on together. You could be like one of those guys I read about in the movie magazines who always falls for the leading lady. I don’t think there’s any harm in expressing yourself to her, as long as you don’t pressure, crowd or show up under her window calling her “Milady” and asking her to run off with you. No matter what she says in response to you, you have to accept it, OK?
…
Dear Amy: I am agnostic, and my fiancé is atheist. We plan to marry in a civil ceremony. Because both sides of my family are strongly fundamentalist, I have not informed anyone (other than my more “mainline” parents) of my religious beliefs.
If I invite my relatives to the ceremony, they will note its non-religious nature and will begin asking questions that will likely lead to my being ostracized. However, a decision not to invite them might well generate hard feelings leading to essentially the same result.
Should my fiancé and I: (1) elope and use that as an excuse for not inviting my relatives; (2) send them announcements of the wedding but not invite them; (3) invite them and include a notice asking persons who object to the arrangements to refrain from attending; or (4) extend an unrestricted invitation and let the chips fall where they may?
– Central Virginia
Dear Virginia: How about: (5) Have a private civil ceremony with just your parents and hers, followed by a reception to which everyone is invited? If that doesn’t appeal to you, I vote for elopement. It’s not quite clear what you want to do; obviously you and your fiancé should have the wedding you want to have.
Because you feel strongly that your extended family is too narrow-minded to accept your views, don’t give them the opportunity.
…
Dear Amy: Recently you told a 21-year-old woman, “Trapped in Virginia,” to leave her guy and start living her life. You intimated that love was more important than marriage.
I say, a good man is hard to find. If he treats her as well as she says, then she had better hold on to him for dear life. Sometimes, it’s not about love. It’s about friendship, partnership, business and vows. Having someone in your corner who really cares about you is priceless and so very rare.
– Gary from Florida
Dear Gary: The young woman in question was not married to the man in her life. She liked him a lot, but she said she didn’t love him. I don’t think I could counsel such a young woman to stay in a loveless relationship, even if it was with a really nice guy.
It is a shame that you hold such a dim view of humanity. Even though I handle readers’ problems all day, I still believe that there are all sorts of good men and women out there, and that marriages are best built on a foundation of genuine love.
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