Dear Amy: There is this fellow that my wife and I occasionally talk to at our ballroom dance club. We have nothing to do with him otherwise. He goes to Florida during the winter and stays for five months, lodging at various friends’ homes. He became particularly friendly when he found out we had a place in Florida.
Last year he gave me a piece of paper and said, “Write down your Florida address. I will come visit you.” I did not want him to visit, so I gave him a phony address, hoping he would take the hint. I was particularly afraid he would want to stay over for a while.
When he came back this year, he asked where that address is located, because he could not find it. I gave some quick dummy directions. I know as next winter approaches he is going to ask for specific written directions.
What is the best way of telling him we do not want him to visit us? Apparently we have to be fairly blunt.
– Hiding in Florida
Dear Hiding: Before you consider pulling up stakes altogether and relocating to South Dakota to avoid this man, you need to consider that you have allowed this gentleman to turn you into a liar. Please, seize back the reins of your integrity and simply say to this man, “My wife and I value our privacy and don’t accept visitors at our winter getaway.”
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Dear Amy: A woman I know – a mother whose child attends my child’s school – has been diagnosed with breast cancer and will have surgery in a week.
She and I know each other and have visited at the school. We have many of the same friends, but we are not close friends and have not visited in each other’s homes.
I would really like to do something to help her and her family through these next difficult months. I know that she will have plenty of support and help from her family and all of our mutual friends.
She won’t need a pot of soup from me, and while a get-well card is nice, it doesn’t seem enough.
As I think about it, it seems that every year another woman I know is faced with the horror of breast cancer and its aftermath.
Could you ask your readers who have come out on the other side what was the most helpful response from their community?
– Another Worried Mom
Dear Worried: Often groups of friends will organize and develop a schedule to help with meals and car pool duty and to ferry the kids to and from their activities. You say your friend won’t need a pot of soup from you, but I think a pot of soup could be exactly what she needs, especially a month or so into her treatment, when the ranks of helpers might be thinning out. You should contact the primary organizer among her friends and offer to be placed on the schedule where you’re needed.
I’m happy to throw this question out to readers, who I am sure will offer their own suggestions, which I will run.
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