Bad wedding gifts.
They are tossed aside and saved for garage sales, hidden in the basement or “lost” during moves, the perennial subject of family jokes and squabbles.
Most couples unwrap a clunker or two, and it’s not just poor taste that leaves a bad taste in their mouths. We asked readers to tell us about their worst wedding presents and were surprised at how mean-spirited some gift-givers are.
“It was my first marriage, my husband’s second,” wrote Linda Gonzales of Denver. “His aunt gave us a bath towel clearly labeled ‘second.’ When I saw the label, she commented, ‘Well you’re second best, so it fits.’ I threw in the towel on maintaining a relationship with her. The towel she gave us lasted six months. We’ve been married 36 years.”
Other gifts readers described were funny or cheap or just odd.
Here are a few that readers shared with us, edited for space and clarity.
Puppy love
My husband and I were married six years ago and two weeks before our wedding, some friends pitched in and bought us a 6-week-old Labrador puppy. Now, we do love animals, and treat them like family, but this was definitely a little too soon to be adding family members. We were married in another state, and my husband was transferred to Colorado, leaving me to move the household while still working full time. Not only did we have to find a friend to watch our new gift during our wedding weekend, but on numerous occasions while moving here from another state. While she is generally a good dog, we call her the gift that keeps on giving. She is energetic, demanding, always underfoot and destructive. She is nothing like our yellow Lab – mellow, disciplined and pleasant. However, because she is loving and good with our kids, we still have her.
– Marie Guldbeck, Arvada
Crumbled cookie jar
My sister-in-law-to-be gave us a broken cookie jar in 1960. I was only 18 at the time, but I thought it was not a very nice thing to give to a new couple. She did say she was sorry her kids had broken it. I never used it.
– Harriet Giles, Englewood
Material gains
A tablecloth, manufactured from a 45-inch square of terrycloth, was an unusual wedding gift even for 1970. When my mother saw it, she was miffed at the giver, because she had given his three daughters crystal for their wedding gifts. My husband and I got the last laugh. This tablecloth has been a beach towel, car-drying towel and pet towel for 35 years without developing so much as a frayed edge.
– Christina Alexander, Denver
The blanket
I can’t say we didn’t feel loved. I mean, it was handmade, hand-crocheted, in fact, by my loving Aunt Virginia. Made from dozens of classic 6¼-inch Granny Squares, the afghan she sent us featured the same fall colors of my first plaid sofa in college: shoe brown, mustard, ear wax. I guess what made it so hard to compose her thank-you note were the clots of dog hair and fuzz balls that covered that afghan. My new husband and I got the thank-you written, using real-estate language like cozy and one-of-a-kind. We put the blanket back in the box, and when we moved to a new house a few years later, we left it in the basement, too polite to throw it away, too mystified to know what else to do.
– Beverly Ball, Denver
Quite the pair
The date was June 19, 1976 … barely post-hippie era. We had a fairly conventional wedding in Aspen. Our guests included friends from all walks of life. A Highlands ski patroller gave us a small cage with two hermit crabs! Trying very hard to be gracious I remember saying “Aren’t they cute.” That was the start of a very unconventional life in Aspen. We’re still here and married after 29 years!
– Kathy Welgos, Aspen
Tape delay
I received one “self-help” cassette tape that this old single friend made! I couldn’t believe it. Talk about STRANGE, CHEAP and “what’s that about?”
– Laurie J. Zempel, Aurora
Paint by numbers
When I got married in May 1973, friends decided they wanted to give me a copy of “The Last Supper,” a favorite of mine. Since they wanted to make the gift themselves, they purchased a “paint-by-the-number” kit of the painting and worked many hours to paint and frame it for us. Seeing their pride as they gave it to us reminded me that their love was the true gift. Even so, it was difficult to look at, for Jesus had a face, but no eyes had been drawn in! The painting hung in our dining room for four years; when we moved to Colorado, it somehow went astray.
– Mrs. Logene Williams, Arvada
Scary cat
My worst wedding gift was an electric “Felix the Cat” plastic wall clock with bulging eyes, toothy grin, large round belly and head and long swinging, ticking tail. Trendy in 1959 but since “funky” was not a decorating buzzword, I did not consider this remotely pleasant. That it came from a relative I disliked made it even worse. Thirteen years later when our son was about 4 years old, I put it up in his room, and he started screaming about the “monster” clock at night. I took it down and finally gave it to someone at a garage sale. Four months ago, while watching an antiques TV show, this clock was appraised for $350-$400 (they are also being reproduced and many are selling on eBay for $40-$50). My advice to an engaged couple is to make sure you are specific on your wedding registry and never, never throw any wedding gift away.
– Jan Fischer, Littleton
Burning memories
My husband and I have been married for 33-plus years, but the memory is still fresh about the candle. Eddie, our best man, was into homemade gifts so he bought a large and very heavy black iron planter (imagine 40 pounds, 18 inches across, and a foot high) and filled it with melted wax. As the wax hardened he stuck three wicks into it and created a giant and very ugly candle. One night after the wedding we were feeling romantic and decided to light the candle to create a certain mood. I don’t know which of us noticed first, but the lit candle began to billow clouds of black smoke. We quickly blew out the three wicks, but not before a cloud of soot settled over everything in our apartment. For the next several months we cleaned the fine black powder that had seeped into every crack and crevice.
– Libby Kinder, Colorado Springs
Making sense
Our worst wedding gift had to be an automatic coin counter, the kind that runs on batteries and you pour your change and it puts it in the correct denomination slot. We never used it and sold it at our next garage sale.
– Holly and Bruce Hoffman, Aurora
Glass act
This month will be our 24th anniversary, and our worst present is still very present in our minds. It was a pitcher and tumbler set you would get for opening a Sears credit card account. My husband worked at Sears in Grand Junction, so he recognized it. When we read whom it was from, my mother was horrified. My parents and friends were what you might call “very well off” in their day and had sent sterling silver serving trays to their two daughters when they got married. We were so disappointed that we named our family troll after one of the people who sent the worst wedding gift ever.
– Mark and Kari Adamski, Littleton
Conversation piece
We have been married 10 years and keep this gift, a carved wood figure and candleholder, around for good conversation. It was handmade by my husband’s aunt in New Mexico. We wish we kept our other favorite gift from our wedding, a ceramic cat toilet bowl cleaner.
– Shawn and Mark Grafitti, Castle Rock
Staff writer Suzanne S. Brown can be reached at 303-820-1697 or sbrown@denverpost.com.
