Q: Dear Scott,
I have a relationship question and hope you can give me some advice.
I have been in a rollercoaster relationship for almost four years, and a month ago I decided to end this relationship again. We have been up and
down and I finally decided I needed more than what he
was offering.
This is an example of how the relationship went: A year ago,
he asked me to marry him and I said “yes.” Without any formal plans, we didn’t
even set a date.
I was trying to get my townhome in order so I could sell
it. I had two older children at home and advised them they would have to
move. It seemed as though I was the only one working towards the marriage
plans.
Then came this last January, when he became distant again and stated he
didn’t want a relationship.
In the meantime, we continued to hang out and no
intimacy was happening.
So after my ex-boyfriend of 15 years passed away in
February, I woke up and decided that I had to move. I knew what it
was like to have the best, and the reason that relationship ended was he was 28 years older then me and he became controlling and grumpy.
So I traded him in for the recent ex and regret it totally.
How do I do I go about searching for love again?
SCOTT: As I read your e-mail, I couldn’t help but wonder where you were in this
relationship.
When you we’re the only one preparing and making changes for
the wedding, why didn’t you confront him about it? And where were you when
no intimacy was happening?
Didn’t you say anything? Did you do anything?
All right, enough questions. I must admit, I can get carried away sometimes.
My point is that you had a great deal to do with how everything went down in
that relationship, but instead of asking your own questions, you were too
busy doing all the work!
So it’s no surprise, really, that the relationship
suffered from a complete absence of communication, which sadly accounts for
a good 79% of all failed relationships.
Use that knowledge going forward in your search for love, which brings us to
this: when you’re comfortable with yourself, enthusiastic about life and
perhaps develop a new interest or two, you’ll attract more men than you can
shake a stick at.
Promise.