Dear Amy: I recently found out some startling news about one of my close friends. One day I noticed some cuts on her arm; when I confronted her about it, I found out she cuts herself.
She says it relieves some of the stress of her life and she doesn’t do it to kill herself, but I am still worried about her. I do not think that cutting herself is a healthy way to relieve stress.
My friend made me promise not to tell anyone. If I do tell someone, I do not want her to think I betrayed her. I have a feeling, though, that I may have to speak up. What can I do to help her? Is there anyway I can do this without involving another person?
– Worried Friend
Dear Worried: Your friend’s willingness to talk to you about her self-injury is important. Her inability to express her feelings in healthy ways contributes to her desire to cut herself.
“Cutting,” like other forms of self-abuse, can be a progressive illness – meaning that it is likely to get worse unless your friend gets some outside help in dealing with her feelings and emotions.
People who “cut” describe it exactly as your friend has – as a release from pent-up feelings.
Talking about feelings can help relieve the desire to cut, and if you are willing to listen to your friend and spend time with her, that will help.
Unfortunately, your friend has extracted a promise from you that as a true friend you cannot keep. Your friend is in pain, and you owe it to her to try to get help for her. You need to tell her that you won’t be able to keep her secret and that you will be there for her during her struggle with this illness.
You should tell your parents about this. You could also contact your school counselor to notify him or her of this problem and ask for help.
Helpful information and research on self-injury is available through the American Self-Harm Information Clearinghouse at selfinjury.org.
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Dear Amy: I live in Connecticut, so we experience really warm weather only a few months of the year. However, the moment the temperature reaches 70 degrees, Connecticut men insist on wearing shorts everywhere, i.e. church, jazz clubs, trendy restaurants, the theater – you get the point.
I have nothing against shorts for a backyard barbecue, softball game, amusement park, etc., but if I have to look at one more set of white, hairy legs in baggy multi-pocket shorts topped off with sneakers dancing next to me at a jazz club that I just spent $20 to enter, I’m going to scream! When most people attend the theater, it’s a treat and warrants your “best outfit!” Most women follow that rule of thumb, but grown men show up for dates in baggy shorts, sneakers and a T-shirt.
Is it really too much to ask a guy to put on a nice pair of slacks and a dress shirt? Please, Amy, tell our Connecticut men to grow up and put on a pair of “big boy pants,” if you want to take a lady out.
– Concerned in Connecticut
Dear Concerned: Those of us who live in cold climates get through February by dreaming of the day we can saunter around in our shorts.
In my hometown, shirts litter front lawns and sidewalks, as many local men celebrate Memorial Day by peeling off their shirts and not putting them on again until Labor Day.
I actually like the whole Bermuda shorts look – the snazzy preppy style that seems casual, summery and timeless – and oh so “Connecticut.” But some men may not realize that there are dress shorts and casual shorts, just as some women don’t seem to be aware of the appropriate utility of the tube top.
If your date shows up dressed too casually, it is permissible to ask: “Didn’t you get a chance to run home and change? I’ll wait if you’d like to put on some slacks.”
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