Q: Dear Scott,
The ex-boyfriend of my wife of two years has died (he was a bit older then her). She plans on attending the funeral.
She asked
me to come, but I respectfully declined. I said that I didn’t know him, and
I didn’t want to attend a funeral for a person I do not know. She didn’t
like my answer, but accepted it after a few firm “no”s.
My problem is this. In conversation with her about her past and her ex’s,
she would always tell me they were in the past and I’m her future, which
is good way to dodge questions.
I accepted those answers, ’cause
sometimes the less you know the better off you are. But obviously he’s not
as much in the past as she says he is.
He is obviously in the top of her
mind, to stop everything, take off work and rush to his funeral. If he was so
great why did she leave him in the first place?
To me, he should of died in her mind the day she left him.
I can’t help but feel jilted by what I feel is a divided loyalty. I know he
was a part of her life in an on-and-off relationship for eight years.
But now
I’ve been with her for five years and should be her future. This has made me
feel really jealous.
I know this seems childish, but I don’t know how to tell her how disgusted I
feel about all of this. I want her to know how I feel, but at the same time
I don’t even want to talk to her right now. I don’t want to be here when she
returns.
I know what the high road is, but I don’t feel like taking it. Do you have
any suggestion on how I should handle this?
Help,
– About to be a lost traveler
SCOTT: Your wife’s ex was her past, and the only reason he’s on her mind because the
poor guy died! At least TRY to be sad for him.
What bearing do you think
it has on your relationship just because she wants to go to the funeral? I
say it says a lot that she invited you to go with her. She was only trying
to include you.
If anyone knows about ditching the high road in favor of the low road, it’s
me, but even I can see there’s nothing wrong with still caring about an ex,
especially when they’re no longer with us.
You’re still her present and her
future, but let the poor girl still be sad that her ex passed away.
That’s about all the assurance I can give you for now. I need rest.
Quit being jealous over this, because it doesn’t mean anything. It’s only a
funeral and you won’t have to worry about him intruding in your lives any
longer.