Q: Why do young “adults” think that we owe them respect? Just because they are there? I give everyone respect when I first meet them. After that, you can earn more respect or you can lose it.
The younger generation seems to think that we – parents, society, anyone – owe them something. What happened to going out and earning respect, earning a living to better yourself and taking responsibility for your own actions?
Danny: Common courtesy and social etiquette may seem in short supply these days, but whose fault is it really? The young people you reference are a byproduct of today’s permissive parents.
I was at a movie theater recently where a woman and her toddler held a conversation throughout the film. Every time someone asked her to shush, she told them to shut up. Small moment for the mother, but huge moment for modeling acceptable behavior for the child.
Look around you: Kids get anything and everything they want while Mom and Dad work full time. Assuming that the parents are respectful adults, how can they properly prepare their kids to follow in their footsteps if they’re never around?
Teachers, police officers, firefighters and members of the military are among the least-paid and most honorable positions in society. But what do most kids want to be instead? Pop stars and athletes, with a healthy dose of attitude. Without parental filtering and education at home, our kids really believe that sports and music stars are idols. They mimic, and we think it’s cute. The simple solution starts at home with parenting. Teach your kids what’s appropriate behavior and show them how to earn their rights.
Lily: That’s pretty sassy coming from a person who is not a parent! I can see the wrong in Danny’s movie example, but I won’t play the full-time-parent blame game. My husband and I work full time, and we always find time to model good behavior – for our son and others.
Recently some unruly teenagers were headed toward my husband, son and me with full force and not showing signs of moving. We held our ground, and they stared us down as though we had just killed off the cast of “The O.C.” before going on their merry way. I don’t know if they learned a lesson, but responsible adults need to lead by example and keep reinforcing the Golden Rule.
Another example: While at the grocery store, I kept running into the same teenage boys as we shopped. One of the boys was cursing so much that I spoke up. “Honey, you are such a lovely young man. But when you use language like that, it gives people the impression those are the only words you know.” My husband called me crazy, but I just said what I would want someone to tell my son. When checkout time came, they set their buggy right behind mine – and even gave me a smile. Baby steps.
Catherine: Respect and obedience once were the highest character traits that parents could instill in their children. In past decades, young people showed more respect and courtesy to people in authority.
The pendulum has swung.
Today, self-esteem is the No.1 value. Whether it comes from TV, schools, or Mom or Dad’s mouth, the message we are sending to our children is: “You can be whatever you want to be, and don’t let anyone get in your way.”
We are so concerned with not adversely affecting a child’s self-esteem that society tiptoes around unacceptable behavior. We hesitate to give children and adolescents limits because we equate limits with limiting their potential. The opposite is true. We are developing young adults with no sense of consideration, respect or courtesy because they are so focused on themselves and their own promotion.
We want your questions! Consejos is a bilingual advice column focused on relationships, culture and identity. E-mail your questions or comments to consejos@dallasnews.com.
