Q: Dear Great Scott,
Here is my situation. I need to know if I should continue a professional
relationship with a man I had a sexual relationship with ten years ago.
We never really lost contact with each other over the years, we always
stayed friendly and kept each other abreast of what was transpiring in each
others lives (or so I thought).
About three years ago, I started my own
business, and ever since then he has referred LOTS of business to me as well
as retained my services for himself. Everything up to this point seems fine
(I think), but the thing I found shady is that he never told me that he was
married and had a son until he had to for business purposes.
He did not
tell me that his wife was pregnant with their second child (at the same time
my husband and I were expecting our second child) until he had to for
business purposes.
He has never referred to his wife by her name or
anything else but “his kid’s mom.” I have never met his wife and he has
never bothered to bring her to any business appointments either.
I am a
married woman with two young children. He is fully aware of my marital
status and the fact that I have two children. My husband only knows of this
man as a client, but has never met him and he certainly is not aware of the
nature of our PAST relationship.
There is NOTHING romantic or sexual going
on between us, but I sometimes feel uncomfortable, like I am hiding
something bad from my husband even though nothing is going on.
Here are my questions ….
Should I discontinue the business relationship? Why do you think he is so
shady about his personal life?
Is it normal to keep in touch with someone
you had a sexual relationship with and retain any kind of relationship with
them over this many years?
Please let me know what I should do!
P.S. – Do not publish my name – Thanks
SCOTT: First, I’d never publish your name so don’t worry about that. Instead, worry
about what your husband would think if he knew you were keeping something
like this from him.
Why don’t you just tell him? I don’t get it. There’s
nothing wrong with doing business with someone you’ve had a previous
relationship with, especially when he’s responsible for sending you “LOTS of
business.”
Does he have ulterior motives? I don’t know. Do you want me to
call and ask him? (wink)
What’s wrong, is keeping a secret from your husband.
How would you like it
if he kept something like that from you? See, it’s not good. What’s in the
dark comes to light eventually anyway, so bring it up to him yourself and
you’ll sleep better at night.
Always be forthcoming in your relationship and
things will be just fine.