Q: Dear Scott,
I am a divorced mother of two, with a boyfriend whom I have been with off and on
for over four years. We have broken up in the past for a couple of reasons,
one of which is why I am writing to you.
You see, he doesn’t seem to
think he needs to carry his own weight. Let me explain:
I own my house, have satellite TV, DSL, electricity, heat, running
water… (you get the idea). He doesn’t seem to think he needs contribute to
these bills.
I buy groceries a couple of times a month, and last time I
asked if he was going to give me money for some of the food, he asked what I
wanted money for. (I had just returned from the grocery store).
At one time, he told me that instead of paying half of the mortgage and
utilities, he would help me pay for some of the things that need fixing up
in the house. That sounded okay, but after the bathroom got fixed (cost was
$550.00) nothing else has been fixed, and he still doesn’t think he should
contribute.
I cook dinner every night, even after I work late coming home at 6 or 7:00,
and he’s been home for a couple of hours playing on the DSL that I pay for. I
mow the lawn, clean the house.
We always hang around his friends and family.
When we are with my friends, he secretly calls his family, and has them call
me and say they want to do something with us, so we need to leave.
My question is…Am I wrong for being upset about this??? It’s not even all
about the money, but the fact that I feel that he’s ONCE AGAIN taking
advantage of me.
PLEASE HELP!!!
–DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!!
SCOTT: I can see why you’ve broken up a few times, but you have to realize that you
FEEL taken advantage of because you ARE being taken advantage of.
Do you
really want that? Of course not.
A relationship is supposed to be give and
give and if that’s not happening, there’s a problem; at least if you want it
to work in the long run.
I’m a financial guy by trade so the best advice I can give you is to produce
a cost statement of all household expenses and then work out a budget
together. If he can’t hold up his end, start cutting some things (but be
realistic).
It’s not working now, because he’s not holding up his end. Meanwhile, you’re overexerting yourself, doing everything and eliminating
the possibility of any sort of balance in the relationship.
That’s not fair.
Apparently he doesn’t recognize his role as the man of the house instead of
a dependent child.
Life is hard enough as it is, and if your boyfriend hasn’t figured out that
he’s taking you for granted, he probably never will.
If he doesn’t get the
message after you’ve cut some expenses, maybe take a look at cutting him.