On Sunday, Grammy Award-winning musician Marc Cohn survived a bullet to the head in an attempted carjacking near the 16th Street Mall. So it’s clearly time for a lyrical sequel sung to the tune of Cohn’s 1991 hit “Walking in Memphis.”
All those who wonder when Denver will get serious about polishing its fading downtown jewels, please sing along.
Put on my cowboy boots
And I boarded the plane
Touched down in the land of Tancredo blues
In a place where you might feel pain
Johnny Hickenlooper – won’t you look down over me
I thought you ran a safe, hip city
Now I’m as scared as a man can be
(Chorus)
’cause I tried driving in Denver
Driving near that darn 16th Street Mall
Driving in Denver
Hope to God the car don’t stall
I saw the ghosts of tax cuts
On corners, near and far
Followed them out of the homeless shelters
Watched ’em beg or hit a bar
Now the tourists they all see them
And get scared enough to move
Then some fugitive with a gun
Blows away my fun
And leaves a bloody groove
(Chorus)
’cause I tried driving in Denver
Driving near that darn 16th Street Mall
Driving in Denver
Hope to God the car don’t stall
Got a huge convention center
Got a big jail on the way
Looks like they’re going to need it
If they want the stars to play
Where the streets turn quickly violent
And panhandling fills the air
Seems like too much desperation
For celebrities to care
(Chorus)
’cause I tried driving in Denver
Driving near that darn 16th Street Mall
Driving in Denver
Hope to God the car don’t stall
Just don’t think it’s not a problem
When the rank-and-file get whacked
In a drive-by or a gang hit
With the odds against them stacked
’cause the anger boils all over
And it burns right to the touch
On the gilded edge of mankind
Then you’ll care and, oh, how much
(Chorus)
’cause I tried driving in Denver
Driving near that darn 16th Street Mall
Driving in Denver
Hope to God the car don’t stall
They’ve got night clubs all through LoDo
That have free fire when they close
Found a body near Union Station
Cap some butt and strike a pose
Boy, you better pray for Denver
See they’ve got a budget shortfall
And some problems with the public schools
They got state and federal mandates
But no money – that ain’t cool
So I sang my little numbers
And I sang with all my might
And they said, “Tell me, do you feel lucky, child?”
I said, “If I don’t get shot tonight”
(Chorus)
’cause I tried driving in Denver
Driving near that darn 16th Street Mall
Driving in Denver
Hope to God the car don’t stall
Put on my cowboy boots
And I boarded the plane
Touched down in the land of Tancredo blues
In a place where you might feel pain.
Jim Spencer’s column appears Monday, Wednesday and Friday. He can be reached at 303-820-1771 or jspencer@denverpost.com.
