Dear Amy: My fiancée was raped four weeks ago.
We were supposed to move in together two weeks after the attack, and I said that I still would, but then I was scared of being alone with her because when I went to see her after the rape, she didn’t even want to sit next to me. I backed out two days before we were supposed to start living together. She moved back home to be with her parents.
She says she feels she can’t trust me anymore because I said I would still move in with her but didn’t.
I am going out of my mind because she says she still loves me but doesn’t talk to me anymore. I am scared of losing her just because I was scared of moving in with her. I fear that she will never forgive me. I am in a constant state of fear because we don’t talk.
– Scared in Conn.
Dear Scared: As someone who loves her, make sure that she gets help. As a survivor of sexual assault, she has a long road ahead, and this would be easier for her if she had someone who patiently loved her by her side.
Perhaps your fiancée says she can’t trust you anymore because after she was raped, you freaked out, said you were scared of being alone with her, and stood idly by while she uprooted her life and moved back in with her folks.
You both may have been traumatized by her attack, and you can get help by calling the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 800-656-4673. A counselor can help describe what your fiancée is going through and will offer you resources, as well.
…
Dear Amy: Is it necessary for customers to deliberately be rude and nasty to customer-service representatives just because they know they can? I have been in this career for 10 years, and I like my job. The only thing that upsets me is when customers call in and are nasty and rude just because they know we have no choice but to take it.
– Tired of Being Mistreated
Dear Mistreated: For insight, you should call your cellphone provider’s customer-service line during your next day off, as I did this past weekend.
After climbing the phone tree, repeatedly pressing the pound key, and forgetting your double-secret secret password, you may or may not arrive at your company’s customer-service representative, who may or may not be talking to you from the Philippines. This can take hours, by the way, and can make a person peevish.
Feeling peevish is no excuse for rudeness, of course. My favorite customer-service reps always call me by name, listen closely and do their level best to help. The really skilled ones are so patient and thoughtful that they could work as hostage negotiators.
You do important work. You actually help people. And I certainly hope that even your most frustrated customers find a way to say a simple “thank you” when you are done.
…
Dear Amy: You asked men to weigh in about what we wear on dates. As far as I’m concerned, shorts, T-shirt and flip-flops ARE the best choice I can make on my days off. I have no problems conforming to office attire during work hours, but on my OWN time I wear what I want.
So if a date says to me “I guess you didn’t have time to go home and change to something nicer so I’ll wait for you to change,” I’d say to her, “Sure, I’ll change if you’re willing to pay me the same amount of money during our date that my job pays me, but if not, you’d have to wait the rest of your life because I’m perfectly willing to accept you as you are and I’d like you to accept me as I am. But if you aren’t willing to give me the same respect I was willing to give you, you can stay home alone!”
– Nashville
Dear Nashville: What a lovely impression you must make, not only with your appearance, but with your attitude, as well.
Send questions via e-mail to askamy@tribune.com or by mail to Ask Amy, Chicago Tribune, TT500, 435 N. Michigan Ave., Chicago, IL 60611.
