Dear Amy: I hope you can help with a question about my future in-laws.
My fiancée’s family is very Catholic, and I was born and raised Hindu.
Because of this we are having two wedding ceremonies, one in Las Vegas and the other in my family temple in my hometown.
My fiancée has no problem with going through the Hindu wedding ceremony because it is so very important to me, but most of her family is refusing to even show up for it, not to mention take part in any of the ceremony.
Her mom cites doctrinal issues with the ceremony (it is not taking place in a Catholic church, and I am not Catholic).
I’ve tried everything I can think of to persuade them to make the trip, but my future mother-in-law will not budge, and neither will my fiancée’s aunts and uncles, grandparents, brothers or father. It saddens me greatly that these people who I do care about hold me in such low esteem that they would do this.
Is there some way I can get through to them?
– Worried Groom
Dear Groom: Unfortunately, you might not be able to get through to your in-laws. Perhaps your fiancée can – if she is furious and disappointed in them, she should let them know.
I’m not aware of any doctrinal issues preventing Catholics from attending a wedding ceremony in a Hindu temple. Even though their church doesn’t recognize this marriage, this family should. If they could find a way to witness this important ritual, they would learn so much about the world and its faith practices. You and your fiancée will find this easier to face if you seek spiritual guidance from your faith communities.
…
Dear Amy: I am the mother of three children – 21, 17 and 15.
My husband and I have a checking account, and most of our funds are at the bank. I like to keep about $50 in an envelope in the home for gas and miscellaneous expenses.
Lately, I have a little thief among my kids. I recently had $48.30 in an envelope and I specifically told all three of the children not to touch this particular envelope because it was change for another purpose. However, one of them has taken out the two 20s and recently $5 and $2 more, leaving the envelope with just $1.30.
I have asked all three together and separately who might have taken this money without asking if they took it. No one will come clean.
What is the best approach to get someone to admit that they are stealing? I’m frustrated that I can’t even trust my own children.
– Frustrated in Carol Stream
Dear Frustrated: You don’t have “a little thief.” You have an almost full-grown thief, who knows that stealing is wrong but does it anyway. (Your husband could be the culprit; make sure that you ask him as well.) Ask each of your children specifically if he or she took the money.
Expect denials. Then you can explain how this makes you feel. Tell them that it is disrespectful and wrong, and that you are very disappointed. Ask them if they need the money for something specific.
Then tell them that if they need money, you will help them find a job so that they won’t have to steal from the household’s petty cash.
Send questions via e-mail to askamy@tribune.com or by mail to Ask Amy, Chicago Tribune, TT500, 435 N. Michigan Ave., Chicago, IL 60611.
