My first job in the newspaper business was at tiny paper in East Texas, where writing wedding announcements was among my duties. The notices typically described the bride’s gown (Alencon lace was big in those days), detailed where the ceremony and reception were held, and gave background information on the couple and their parents.
It was mundane work, but fresh out of journalism school, I was happy to do it in addition to writing feature stories.
That first job came to mind when I attended weddings on back-to-back weekends this summer. After learning that the average cost of getting hitched is $26,218, I was curious to see how couples were doing it these days.
How would I describe the nuptials?
Both ceremonies included a tall blond and a handsome brunet. The first wedding was between my 31-year-old nephew and his fiancée in St. Louis. My brother and his wife were thrilled their eldest son was finally marrying, even if he didn’t wed in the Catholic Church. The other wedding involved a Denver pair in their 20s. At each, the couples exchanged vows before family and friends, and then celebrated into the night with dining and dancing.
While both weddings were traditional in a number of ways, there was a major difference between them – the Denver ceremony was between same-sex partners.
That would have never made the paper back in Huntsville, Texas.
Even as most states, Colorado included, prohibit gay marriage, couples still want their unions blessed, and notices of gay and lesbian weddings are no longer an oddity in Sunday supplements.
Many such pairs hold private ceremonies; few have a church wedding like Peter Colussy, 25, and Philip Epple, 28, did on a recent Saturday afternoon at St. Paul Lutheran Church in Denver.
In front of 150 family members and friends, the tuxedo-clad couple stood amid candles and stained glass for an hour-long service that included a minister in flowing green robes, readings from the Bible, the singing of psalms and taking of Communion.
The Evangelical Lutheran Church in America has “no official policy on gay unions, because marriage isn’t a sacrament; it’s an affair of the state,” says the Rev. Dr. Kevin Maly, who has officiated at only one other gay wedding since he began his tenure at St. Paul in 2001. That frees him to bless any couple’s wedding that he finds deserving. “It’s up to my discretion whether I marry a hetero- or homosexual couple,” he says.
Maly says he turned down one gay couple “because they wanted the trappings without the responsibility to the community.”
In contrast, Epple and Colussy, who have known each other for three years, “have deep and abiding ties to the faith communities and wanted the love and support of the mainstream community,” Maly says.
Openly gay himself, Maly says only a minority of gay couples “want the whole church thing, because there’s an assumption on the part of a lot of people in the gay community that churches just aren’t going to do that.”
Epple, a police officer, and Colussy, a flight attendant, invited coverage of their wedding in hopes others would be encouraged to declare their commitment to each other, even though many in society don’t approve.
The way they handled the mechanics of the event – what order they would come down to the aisle, how to address each other – was a model for other such services.
Each partner had three attendants flanking the minister. Colussy had three groomsmen – his two brothers and a cousin. Epple’s attendants were his sister, and a male and female friend.
Next, Colussy and Epple escorted their mothers to their seats, their fathers walking behind them. It was a dignified way of getting everyone in place for the ceremony.
The service was traditional, with such familiar music as Pachelbel for the professional and such readings as 1 Corinthians 13:4 (“Love is patient, love is kind …”) during the service.
When it came time for the men to exchange their vows, Maly asked each to take the other as their husband, and they pledged to honor each other as loving companions. They held hands at various times during the hour-long service, but there was no kissing or other displays of affection.
The men dressed in formal tuxedoes and dark patterned vests, stylish boutonnieres in their lapels. The women in the wedding party wore chic black dresses, the men tuxes.
The couple walked down the aisle after the ceremony to Vivaldi’s “Spring,” and minutes later climbed into the back of a silver convertible for the short ride to the Hotel
Monaco for their reception.
Kevin Siegrist, the hotel’s event coordinator, was scurrying around as the first few guests arrived, checking on logistics and last-minute menu matters.
It was the first gay wedding reception the hotel hosted, and he wanted everything to be perfect – from the ahi tuna tartar hors d’oeuvres (one of six passed appetizers) to the stations of beef and pasta, and dessert that included chocolate fondue and fresh fruit, as well as a four-tiered wedding cake decorated with fresh flowers.
“Kimpton Hotels (the Monaco’s parent company) are gay-
friendly, and we want people to know that,” Siegrist says.
At the reception, Epple says guests told him they related to the sermon and the Mass. “We have several other friends who are couples that have been together for five or more years, and I think they were surprised at how supportive our church community is,” Epple says. “It was very important to us to show that and to have our friends and families there.”
