Q: Scott,
I saw a past column that you had written on friendships, and I have a
quandary for you. I have friends that are a couple, the guy is a friend of
mine from college that I have known for six+ years. The girl is his
girlfriend, with whom in the last eight months I have built a friendship.
Making
plans with them is infuriating.
Over the last few months, I have extended many invitations via phone and
e-mails to have them repeatedly turned down or just plain ignored. Once in a
while when we do nail something down, usually a week or a couple days before, they cancel because something came up.
I admit some of the excuses are
legit like a wedding, but their canceling has become so habitual I wonder why
I ask at all. My boyfriend has told me that he has no desire to hang out
with them and to stop trying to make plans, it’s over.
The latest happened Monday. I had invited them to go to a concert about a
month ago and they accepted. I bought the tickets for all of us and told
them weeks in advance to get work off early that day.
For the next couple
of weeks I tried to set up a lunch date with the girl too get the money for their tickets. We have lunch often
so I didn’t think much of it when she kept rescheduling.
To make a long story short, I never got the money form her. Then on Monday I got a an e-mail that said she was unable to go because of her work, and she couldn’t get out of there in time to make the concert, which is Friday.
I had a feeling this was going to happen, and so did my boyfriend. They feel bad for canceling once again but I’m over it all. I miss my old friend but we have drifted as you do when you have significant others.
What would you do? Would you still try? Would you say something?
– Over/ Not Over
SCOTT: I have a question for you: why do you keep trying?
I mean, you guys are like
one step away from being the Glen Close couple. You’re like couples
stalkers!
Next time, why not show up at their door and hand-deliver the
invitation, along with a stringent “We will NOT be ignored!” Maybe that’ll
get them to keep the plans.
Or…
You could take the hint and start looking for some new friends to hang out
with, since these friends are running out of ways to tell you they want to
break up with you.