Q: Hi Scott,
Forgive me if I sound like a teenage girl with a crush…I’m actually a single man in my early 40s, a very eligible bachelor.
Here’s what’s happening:
I live in a small town with a very limited dating pool and social scene, so getting a date is pretty exciting. Recently I met a very charming and pretty woman who I thought was terrific, and we hit it off immediately.
We got together a couple of times and really enjoyed ourselves, and the last time we got together we were “intimate.” Then without any given reason and with no warning, she stopped returning phone calls/messages.
So of course I’m now wondering why she has seemingly lost interest so suddenly. I know it’s a cliché for a young girl to be deceived by a charming guy who acts like he likes her in order to get her into bed, then disappears or shuns her.
I sort of feel like that – after enjoying great company with this woman, we had a wonderful night together, and now I haven’t heard a thing from her.
Since I haven’t heard anything from her, I have no idea whether or not our intimate night has anything to do with her “disappearance,” or if she simply lost interest, found someone else, doesn’t have the wish or the time to be involved … who knows.
But it’s left me utterly disappointed and very distressed that she’s avoiding me…I’d really like to keep seeing her. Any thoughts?
Signed
Mystified
SCOTT: Wow, talk about role reversal. I do tend to get these letters from women and re-read your e-mail just to make sure it was really from a guy. It was.
I understand your confusion and desire to learn why she didn’t call after you were “intimate,” but then I snap back to reality and think, “Who the (insert word of choice) cares?” She could be a freak, have an inferiority complex or issues you can’t even begin to understand and that I can only speculate about. But you get my point nonetheless.
By the way, where’ll all these calls she’s not returning originating? Certainly not from you. Even you know you should’ve stopped after two!
Evidently, the intimacy meant more to you than it did to her. Was it that night that turned her off, did she meet someone else or does she just not have time for a relationship? See, it doesn’t matter, so stop worrying about your experience with that one individual and move on.
No more Mr. Weak Guy.
There’s no time for that. You’re swimming in a very small dating pool and that automatically makes you a big fish. Now get back in the water and find a mate who recognizes that.