Q: Dear Great Scott,
I just recently moved to Manhattan Beach, CA for a job in aerospace for my husband. Believe me, it’s no hardship, but I miss my family (they are all in CO) and my friends and Colorado so much more than I expected to.
I was pregnant when we decided to move and a little “off my rocker.” So here is my dilemna: I strongly encouraged my husband to take this job and move us all to Cali. It was a much better opportunity career-wise, we happen to really like SoCal, figured we could always move back if we didn’t like it … blah blah blah.
But now I am dying to come back — I have two young children, no friends, no family here, my husband works a lot — but, and here’s the thing: my husband likes it HERE! Likes his job, wants to spend some more time at it before thinking about moving on, likes the weather better, the people better, the lifestyle better.
I feel so conflicted because my heart yearns to come back, especially while my children are little to be near their grandparents and cousins, but, like I said, I strongly encouraged this move plus I don’t want to be unfair to my husband, or selfish.
He is so sweet and says he will do anything as long as I am happy and that a job is not the most important thing in his life but rather having time to spend with his children and doing things he enjoys.
So do I lay off, even though it breaks my heart, and lay in the bed that I made, or should I continue to push because of how strongly I feel?? Help!
PS: money is not really an issue, happens to be from my end, of course we will have more of it to enjoy our life with in Colorado but it is not the first consideration.
Love, and I mean LOVE
— “screwed”
SCOTT: Are you nuts?? Of course you are, or you wouldn’t have written to this column.
But you did anyway and hey, that’s ok by me. I give and I give….
All right, here’s the thing: you moved your family to CA to see how it would go, and it’s not what you expected and hasn’t gone so well, at least not for you. The way I’m seeing things, you reserved the right to move back before you left and now’s the time to exercise that right.
Come back and save yourself the agony of being unhappy any longer.
There, I said it.
You’re actually quite fortunate. You’ve got that sweet husband who only cares about making you happy and spending time with his kids and this and that and the other thing.
You, on the other end of everything, are miserable as sin. Why not take him up on moving back for the sake of — if nothing else — your precious sanity?
He’ll still have his kids and get to do things he enjoys, even though we still don’t have a beach here. He can get a job and
work and you’ll be amongst your family and friends and you’ll all live happily ever after.
I believe my work here is done. Welcome back to the mothership.