Some years ago, according to newspaper legend, the late, great columnist Lewis Grizzard spent a Saturday afternoon watching the Florida football team destroy his beloved Georgia Bulldogs. The next day, Grizzard led his column this way: “Mama told me if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.”
And he left the rest of his column blank.
My mom and your mom used to say the same thing, and so, in all honesty, the rest of this column should be blank also. There’s nothing nice to say about the Chiefs’ performance Monday night. They stunk up the joint every way possible and at least a few ways that did not seem possible. They even punted lousy.
Denver beat Kansas City 30-10, but as bad as that score sounds, it was much worse. Denver beat Kansas City every way a team can be beaten. The Chiefs committed stupid penalties (and, considering the Chiefs committed 13 penalties, they probably committed some smart ones, too). Samie Parker dropped passes. Trent Green threw ducks. Larry Johnson fumbled and bumbled. The offensive line, so long this team’s hallmark, was overwhelmed without Willie Roaf at left tackle.
The Broncos even humiliated the Chiefs by challenging a meaningless touchdown scored by Eddie Kennison late in the fourth quarter. On the way home, the Chiefs reportedly watched the movie “Things to Do in Denver When You’re Dead.”
But the star of this horror movie Monday night was the Chiefs’ defense.
Here are the two words you didn’t want to read: They’re ba-ack.
Yes, it looked awfully familiar out there. Long runs. Baffled linebackers. Missed tackles. Wide-open receivers. You know how sometimes, when you’re writing a check, you have to think hard to remember what year it is. That’s what it was like watching the Chiefs defense play Monday. It could have been 2002.
Now, everyone understood the Chiefs’ defense might have a setback or two this season. Hey, we all remember: This was one atrocious defense the past three years. The Chiefs worked hard to fix it this offseason, but, heck, it takes months just to renovate a kitchen, and kitchens don’t commit personal-foul penalties.
The Chiefs have five or six new starters on the field at all times. They often play the 3-4 (three linemen, four linebackers), which is a completely new defense. They are playing with a rookie linebacker and half of last year’s Miami Dolphins secondary.
You had to know there would be some stumbles.
But there was no way to see Monday night coming. The Chiefs’ defense did not make a play all night. It never came close to intercepting a pass or forcing a fumble. It did not knock any receivers off the ball or make a running back think twice before hitting the hole. Basically, the defense did nothing.
That’s disturbing. All offseason, the Chiefs brought in guys they consider “playmakers.” Sammy Knight, for instance, has caused more turnovers than any player in the past 10 years. Monday, Sammy Knight was notable for:
1. Not chasing down running back Mike Anderson on a long run.
2. Tackling Rod Smith way out of bounds for a 15-yard penalty.
3. Getting absolutely obliterated on an Anderson run up the middle.
This is not to pick on Knight – you could make this sort of list for just about anyone on the Chiefs’ defense Monday night. Derrick Johnson, when you noticed he was on the field, looked utterly lost. Nobody seems to understand Kendrell Bell’s role, especially not Kendrell Bell.
The Broncos rushed for 221 yards, which is 53 more than they gained the first two weeks combined. Quarterback Jake Plummer hit just about every pass he threw and humiliated the Chiefs on that same rollout play he has been killing this team with for years.
After the game, Broncos coach Mike Shanahan was asked about his offense. He said he was pleased overall.
“But we missed out on a few big plays,” he grumbled.
That’s how bad the Chiefs’ defense was Monday night. The Broncos scored 30 without any effort, and Shanahan felt like they left money on the table.
So, what should we make of it all? Well, it might be an awful sign that this team is not nearly as good as we expected. But, let’s say this: It also may have been just a one-game disaster. There’s something about this building that spooks the Chiefs. The Broncos got off to a 10-0 lead and then Larry Johnson fumbled, and it was 17-0, and nothing good happened after that. The crowd was loud, and the altitude was suffocating, and the Chiefs’ defense self-destructed. That’s all.
“We just have to put this behind us,” Chiefs coach Dick Vermeil said.
He’s right. The Chiefs do have to put it behind them. Will they? Hey, it’s possible. And that’s the nicest thing I can think to say.
