Weight denial
Shirley Beer Powell, 52, of Castle Pines was able to lose weight three times while doing Weight Watchers, only to gain it back. Her top weight was 146, but at 5 feet, her ideal weight is 103 pounds. In December 2003, she joined the Colorado Weigh program run by the University of Colorado School of Medicine and lost 30 pounds.
“I think for people like me who did not have a weight issue as children, (being thin) becomes a part of our self-image. I was not a chubby child; I’ve always been small-boned. You have to live in a cocoon to not be affected by the pressure society places on women to be thin, tall, blond and have breasts that stand up by themselves without a bra.
When I gained the weight, and I looked in the mirror, I was thoroughly disgusted. I am convinced that one of the reasons why I didn’t go to (Weight Watchers) classes is because I wouldn’t accept I had a weight problem. Even though I was embarrassed that I looked like I did, there was still a part of me that said, ‘Shirley, you are not one of those people. You are not a fat person.’ Fat people go to those classes. I couldn’t accept that I was fat.”
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Comfort pounds
Rachel Smith, 31, of Westminster has lost 99 pounds with Weight Watchers. When she stepped on the scale in April 2004 – for the first time since she was 13 – she weighed 233 pounds. Smith, who is 5 foot 5, has since reached her goal of 135 pounds.
“When I started taking the weight off,
it was kinda scary to be smaller. I felt really vulnerable. At one point I realized that I had used my weight as a protection, a physical padding from the blows of the world.
When I was a kid, I was molested by a family friend, and I’ve always had issues with men that I worked out in therapy. I didn’t think that all men were bad and were going to hurt me. I was just afraid of unwanted sexual attention and angry that I had not been able to protect myself when I was younger.
In our culture, if you are thinner, you get more attention from men. Even though it was irrational, I felt really protected by the weight, that I could have some level of control over whether someone would approach me or not.
I didn’t want to be hurt emotionally
or physically. I just preferred to be
invisible.”
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Family habits
Nick Langosh, 37, of Pueblo has lost 147 pounds since joining Weight Watchers in January 2004. He’s just 3 pounds from his goal weight of 210. He is 5 feet 11.
“My parents are old and grew up during the Depression. They were taught to clean their plate, that when you had a chance to eat, you needed to eat because you didn’t know when the next chance would come. You sit down to eat, you don’t talk, and you shovel it in. I had to have a little bit of everything on the table. When Mom would say, ‘There’s only this much left, Nicky, so why don’t you eat it,’ I’d already be full to the gills, but I’d eat it.
Even after I got married and moved out, me and my wife would go out to dinner and I would eat my plate and finish
what she couldn’t eat. I’d go home
miserable. It’s difficult to break bad habits surrounding eating even when you are aware of them.”
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Body image
Ani Ermoyan, 19, of Centennial lost 96 pounds on the Jenny Craig program in two years. Growing up in the doughnut shop her parents have owned the past 15 years made it difficult for Ermoyan to manage her weight, which grew to 268 pounds. Now, at 5 feet 6 inches, she wants to be 134 pounds – exactly one-half of her peak weight.
“Body image was a major thing for me.
As far as sizes, I used to be a 24 in pants and a 3X in tops. I know I’m a 12 in pants and sometimes a medium in tops. But when I was losing the weight, I found myself always staring at other people’s bodies. I’d always ask my mom, ‘Am I as big as that lady?’ I would always compare myself to other people and think I was still as big as them. My mother would try to convince me that I was smaller. I still couldn’t
really see myself as being thin.”
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Emotional eating
Debbie Smith, 38, of Arvada, lost 101.2 pounds in 58 weeks with Jenny Craig. At 5 feet 5 inches, Smith eclipsed her goal, reaching 144.8 pounds.
“Before Jenny Craig, I was in denial
about being an emotional eater. I thought I just liked to eat, that food was good, so I would eat it. Now, after learning my triggers, I know I am 100 percent an emotional eater. I would eat if I was sad, lonely, bored, frustrated – anything. I would turn to food.
When my daughter passed away 4 1/2 years ago, I started eating and gained almost 100 pounds. I felt guilty, as if it was my fault. I’m the mother; I should have known something was wrong with her. She was sick, and what we thought was the flu was actually strep.
She died a couple of days later; she was just 10. I didn’t want to live after that.
Over the years, I learned how to cope with the grief and I stopped eating. Now, I’m turning to food when I get frustrated with my teenage son or my husband. Sometimes, I will sit and think, ‘Why am I eating?’ I talk to myself and say, ‘Oh, I’m having anxiety about my son’s surgery tomorrow on his torn ACL.’ Sometimes, I’ll be
able to stop eating. Other times, I can’t.”
