Dear Amy: My husband is a heavy drinker. He comes from a family of what I would call “high-functioning alcoholics” – all with good jobs, well-respected in society and with no apparent ills from drinking.
I am committed to staying in this marriage (we have two small children), but I do not like the person my husband is when he is drinking, and I do not like that he relies so heavily on alcohol. He is never violent or abusive, just extremely annoying and sometimes embarrassing or rude to our children.
Our marriage counselor has recommended that I should attend Al-Anon meetings. I think this is a good idea, but the problem is that we live in a small city, and wherever I go I tend to run into someone I know.
My husband is a teacher, and as such, I worry about his career if word of the extent of his drinking were to get out. I could just barely squeeze a local midday meeting into my schedule, so going to a daytime meeting in another town is not an option. Any ideas?
– Worried Wife
Dear Worried: I shared your letter with an Al-Anon representative, who assures me that one of the most basic and fundamental principles of Al-Anon is the absolute anonymity of participants. Al-Anon is like Vegas in that way – what happens there, stays there. Obviously, it is possible for someone to violate this principle, but you should check out your local meeting to see if you feel comfortable there.
It is not necessary to share any details with other participants until you feel safe doing so. According to Al-Anon, some people do choose to travel to other towns for meetings for precisely the reason you cite. If you feel that you need to do that, then your husband should step in and care for the children in order for you to get to an evening meeting, just as he would if you were taking an art class or working out at the gym.
For information about Al-Anon, including locations of meetings, check your local phone book or al-anon.alateen.org. You may also call 1-888-425-2666.
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Dear Amy: I have been living in my neighborhood for two years.
Since we moved in, I have had countless teenagers and adults coming to the door selling magazine subscriptions or books. They all seem to be from the same company, and at times I have had two in one day coming with the exact same rehearsed spiel about trying to get a scholarship, or raising money for a soccer team.
My problem is that it seems so rehearsed that I don’t really believe their story. Several have come saying that they are someone’s child from a few streets away. I have no idea if they are being honest or not.
I’m wondering if there are companies out there that hire these kids and give them a story with which to sell, or if they are truly raising money for school functions. It has become a bit annoying at times, especially when they don’t take “no” for an answer. How can I stop them?
– Subscription Savvy
Dear Savvy: Unfortunately, there are unscrupulous companies that hire teens and basically drop them off in neighborhoods, forcing them to meet sales quotas selling subscriptions, cleaning products or other goods. You shouldn’t purchase anything unless you know the child – and the cause or company that he or she is soliciting for.
The next time this happens, get the name of the company and contact the attorney general’s office in your state. Most states operate a consumer fraud hotline that you can call to report this activity.
Anyone attempting to sell things door to door should present identification. If a child tells you that she lives a few blocks away, ask for an address and phone number, and tell her that you will call if you are interested in purchasing anything. Then call the number to make sure that it is legitimate.
Send questions via e-mail to askamy@tribune.com or by mail to Ask Amy, Chicago Tribune, TT500, 435 N. Michigan Ave., Chicago, IL 60611.
