Dear Amy: I had some good friends and their families to my home for a cookout recently. I thought that a good time was had by all until I was told that my opinion ruined it for some of my guests.
Earlier in the day, one of our dear friends called to ask permission for her 13-year-old son to bring a buddy along so that he would have someone his age to pal around with. I said that, of course, it would be fine.
Well, later that afternoon, my friend’s young son asked what time it was and I jokingly responded, “Why do you want to know, are you taking medication?” The boy’s mother looked over at me and remarked, “It is very important, and his friend needs to take his medication.” I responded with, “It would have been nice if I had known that.
“After all, he is on our property, swimming in the in-ground pool and playing as kids do with no concept of time, and in the interest of the child’s well-
being, coupled with the litigious society that we live in, I think it only proper that we be informed. So in the future, let me know.” Well, Amy, you would have thought that I had asked for the boy’s medical history. As a parent and a property owner, I had a responsibility to that child and felt that I had a “need to know” to ensure that he take his medication on time.
It was the decision of five of the six women at the table, including my wife, that it was none of my business and that I was wrong for even making a statement about it. Furthermore, they felt that I should apologize for even making the remark.
What do you think about this?
– Not Too Hip
Dear Not Too Hip: Congratulations. You turned a simple request for the time into a Major Incident. This boy already had an adult with him who knew about his medical issues and who acted responsibly, as did the boy and his friend (by being conscious of the time), so let’s set aside your concern for his health.
Unfortunately, your reasoning that you need to be somehow protected from lawsuits by knowing all of the medical details of your minor-age guests also falls flat. In this “litigious” society, one could also argue that you are better protected if you are NOT informed about such things.
You made a little faux pas by trying to be funny. You failed. Then you made it worse. In circumstances such as these (and trust me, I’ve faced many of them in my own life), rather than expressing righteous indignation, the thing to do is to say, “Well, that was dumb. Ladies and gentlemen, I’ll be appearing here at Zanies all week!” Then you turn around, flip the burgers and get on with your life.
But please, whatever you do, do not apologize for this. I have a feeling that you’ll only make matters worse.
…
Dear Amy: Recently I have received e-mails from a woman I was best friends with in elementary school. My family moved when I was in junior high, and I rarely saw her after that.
I haven’t seen her in nine years. I’ve moved out of the area, and I don’t feel that we have anything in common anymore, but I don’t know how to reply to her e-mail to let her know. I don’t want to not reply and seem like a snob.
– Moved On
Dear Moved On: Sometimes, not replying is less snobbish than replying with, “I’m sorry, Wendy, but I’m over you. I’ve just moved on.” Unless she is papering your inbox with unwanted e-mail, I suggest that you wait a few days after an e-mail, reply in a simple, polite and noncommittal way, and simply let the correspondence peter out.
If she persists and you feel uncomfortable about it, you can reply with, “I’m so sorry that I can’t keep up my end of this correspondence, but I am so busy and I’ve sort of run out of things to say. I’ve really enjoyed catching up with you.” Sign off affectionately.
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