Q: Scott,
I have a dilemma that I would never have imagined before I moved to this extremely ‘dog friendly’ city. The entire state of Colorado is in love with dogs to a degree that makes socialization difficult for those who are not crazy about canines.
I have, for example, received many a cross-eyed glance once it becomes clear that I don’t love to have dogs pounce on me, lick me, or shove their wet noses where they clearly shouldn’t. (I mean, even the hottest guy would get slapped for doing that upon introduction!)
Please don’t get me wrong. I don’t hate dogs. I simply don’t want to live with a dog.
I love dogs that are well trained, and content for some humans to leave them alone entirely (same as I prefer children – good citizens all around).
Here is where I need help.
I’ve met a great man with two sweet, docile, well-trained and well-behaved dogs. If the relationship continues, I know that I could handle a life with him and his dogs — knowing that at their age, the dogs won’t be around too much longer.
But I’m pretty sure that I’ll look forward to the day one or both of them are “no longer with us.” At that point, I would stand firm that we don’t acquire another dog.
You see, it would be worth putting up with the dogs for several years to have a good man for the rest of my life. So, do I need to make my feelings on this issue clear early in the relationship? Will I be perceived as a cold, unfeeling you-know-what? Because that’s what people seem to think about those of us who don’t want a dog in our lives.
I assure you that I am a very kind, loving and warmhearted person. I just worry that many dog-lovers would define my character on this issue alone.
I would never ask him to get rid of his dogs, even though I would have to take medication at least three times a day in order to live with them and him. (Currently, because of my allergies, I don’t have a cat even though I desperately want a pet. I figure if at some point I have to live with dogs, I’m getting a cat too. I’ll just drug myself into a stupor.)
And as dogs go, I am rather fond of these two. Do I have to bring the issue up now, or can I wait until they go to the big doghouse in the sky? I certainly don’t want to tell him that I’m anxious for his dogs to kick the bucket.
– Sneezing and Snoopy
SCOTT: I’m an animal lover, but I know not everyone else is. To some people, it’s like saying you don’t like kids.
Not that there’s anything wrong with that; it doesn’t make you a bad person or anything, but you happen to be involved with a dog lover and his dogs are most likely like family members to him.
Don’t go into this relationship with the idea that they’ll die someday and you’ll “discourage” him from future pets because he most likely he already has different intentions. Until you have this discussion with him, he has no idea how you really feel about Princess and Mr. Pugsley.
Don’t take this lightly. It’ll definitely present a problem sooner or later, and we’re not talking about a minor problem, we’re talking deal breaker.
Trust me.
When you have the talk, don’t tell him you’re dying for his “family members” to pass away. Something tells me that wouldn’t go over very well.
Iron out as much as you can now, before you move in and then you’ll know if you have a compatible future together. Chances are he’s not changing and you’re not either. But perhaps a compromise can be reached.
You may never be a dog lover but maybe you can learn to be a dog liker.