Q: I have a 2-year-old daughter whose favorite word is “NO.” You said in a recent article that toddlers are not able to follow rules or control their actions. It seems as if she knows that she is doing wrong. I tell her not to tell me “NO,” and she will then continue to repeat it over and over and even start singing it. I know she is most likely going through the terrible two’s. I just call it a phase of children learning to talk more and express themselves. Suggestions?
– R.C.
A. The magic word “no” is your daughter’s way of expressing that she is an individual who has different ideas and opinions than you have. During the second year the mental development that takes place enables her to realize that she is a separate person from you. This is a startling fact to her and represents a gigantic step in her personal growth.
The best response is to ignore her repetitions of the word and stop asking her not to say it to you. She has learned that she can provoke you and your reaction gives the word more power than it should have.
When she says “no” about a critical rule or request, respond calmly, “I know you would rather keep playing, but it’s bed time.” Don’t debate the issue or explain your point of view, just confidently take her to bed.
Your daughter is learning right from wrong. She cannot consistently follow the rules and her impulses may get the best of her for a few more years, but she is absorbing the lessons.
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Q: What is your opinion regarding bumper stickers that praise one’s own child for school achievement? The sticker usually states, “My child is on the honor roll of _____.” I was taught that self-praise was not good and that doting on children follows immediately behind. What is your opinion?
– L.M.
A: Teaching students the value of school achievement is so important it overshadows any concern about boasting or bragging. Giving youngsters public recognition teaches them what is valued by the family, the school and the community. Parents deserve to feel proud of their outstanding students. Parents’ support and interest in their children’s accomplishments play a big part in children’s motivation to do well in school.
Rewarding a child for a job well done is not the same as doting on a child. Doting is catering to a child’s whims and wishes.
It would be wonderful if we heard more about achieving students and less about the ones who get into trouble. The whole community should know of the students who are working hard, helping others and doing well in school.
Write Cathleen Brown care of The Denver Post, 1560 Broadway, Denver, CO 80202, or CABrown500@yahoo.com.
