Dear Amy: A fellow motorist yelled profanities at me and called me a “Bimbo” because I delayed his morning commute by refusing to make a left turn across a stream of traffic.
I seem to be a magnet for these automotive bullies. With some regularity, I am hollered at/abused/honked at/flipped off for such crimes as allowing a pedestrian to cross the street, slowing so that a driver in front of me can parallel park, or simply driving at the speed limit.
What do I do about this, Amy? I know it is unsafe to confront the jerks, but meekly accepting unjust abuse doesn’t feel right, either. Is there an effective way to discourage such uncivilized behavior, or failing that, to get revenge?
– Baltimore Blues
Dear Baltimore: The best way to react to bird-flipping traffic troglodytes is to (1) Get out of their way, and (2) Greet them with a Florence Henderson “Howdy-do!” – a huge smile accompanied by a friendly wave of greeting. Because an actual Florence Henderson Howdy might be interpreted as sarcastic and incite a troglodyte to further raging, you might have to resort to a mental Florence Henderson Howdy – which will work just as well. All of the action happens on the inside, but it will make you smile.
Do not mess with road-ragers. I have, on many occasions, pulled over so that they can scream past. Your real revenge is to survive the encounter with your integrity (and the rest of you) intact.
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Dear Amy: One of my dearest friends from college is single and turning 40 next week. She is athletic, attractive and has many high-level degrees. She is desperate to marry and have children, but I think her past has clouded her ability to have trust and healthy relationships. (Her father cheated on her mother for 20 years.) She has slept with at least 30-40 men. The boyfriends she picks never end up being able to make a long-term commitment.
I am her only loyal “girlfriend.” Every couple of years, I have tried giving her honest advice, but she doesn’t want to hear it. She has alienated her mother and sister.
I am getting more and more concerned and frustrated hearing the same old stuff, and it seems she is getting more and more desperate.
The current boyfriend (according to her) is self-absorbed, 15 years older, has no desire to get married or have children and insults her constantly. She says she is OK with this.
I have already heard too much about this one and have told her to move on .
This cycle has gone on with her for 20 years. My advice is for her to focus on herself and her career and join a “women’s group.” She actually has had a few “good catches” that were really nice and treated her well. She dumped them quickly and found them boring.
This friend is a really good person and does have a good heart, but I get tired of her complaining about the same things, sometimes lying to me and never growing up.
– Only Loyal Sorority Sis
Dear Loyal: Wow. Your friend sounds like a peach.
My first suggestion is that the next time she complains, you might want to break the cycle by telling her that the complaining isn’t doing any good because she isn’t willing or able to make any changes.
Tell her you worry that you’re going to be taking her phone calls when you’re 80, and that she’s going to be complaining about the guys in the assisted-living facility.
Obviously, she needs steady professional help – the week in/week out kind that outlasts all of her other brief encounters. If you can hook her up with a good therapist, you will have given her a life-altering gift. If she commits to the therapeutic process, she will see that her choices – her promiscuity, the inability to commit and her own fear of intimacy – keep this bad boyfriend cycle spinning round and round.
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