Q: Scott,
I’m a 43-year-old female who has been married to the same man for 23 years. Lately, I fantasize about a new life without him and have strong urges to just disappear.
He frequently tells me he really loves me and I don’t want to do anything I may regret later on.
I am stuck in a job that I don’t like and feel my life is nothing like I want it to be. Financially, we are strapped and it’s difficult to find another job that pays me the wage I am getting now.
Although it is a bit late, I am going through a midlife crisis and don’t know how to deal with it.
– Frustrated and confused
SCOTT: Getting old sucks. Ah, if I had a dollar for every time I’ve said that, I’d be rich and, unfortunately, still getting older.
The good news is, we’re all in the same boat, headed down the same old aging river. Hold on, let me do a shot of tequila. Much better!
Most people who have financial problems also seem to suffer from relationship problems, but doesn’t that make sense? It does to me. Financial pressures are the worst, and the stress they cause sucks as much if not more than getting old.
Now that we’re on the same page, here’s what I can tell you: your 23-year-itch is exacerbated by your financial problems.
Take a deep breath and then take an inventory of where you’re at in your life.
Are you unhappy because of your relationship, your financial problems or your midlife crisis? Chances are the midlife crisis and the money problems are preventing your marriage from being the barrel of monkeys it used to be.
Plus, you’re miserable in your job so start there and look for another job.
Don’t limit yourself to what you can do, and try some bouncing job ideas off your friends. They know you best, usually offer the best advice (oh, besides me) and can usually see things you can’t.
Everything negative around you is what’s making your home life unhappy. If you can address those issues, things will start looking up.