Dear Amy: I am married to a wonderful man who provides well for us and adores our children and me. In total, I have the perfect life.
My problem is that we married young and I have never “been with” any other man. Now I regret that.
I’ve felt this way for years, and it’s making me miserable.
What can I do? Should we separate? Should I go to counseling? I’m beginning to feel my husband was not “the one” for me and the right man is out there somewhere.
– Could Be Anyone
Dear Could Be: I have a news flash for you: Most of us feel that “the one” is out there somewhere. I’m convinced that this phenomenon is the result of too many Meg Ryan movies and “Sex and the City” reruns.
Sometimes, however, “the right man” is the guy sitting at your kitchen table.
Wouldn’t it be awful if you left your family only to learn that the right guy is the guy you described at the top of your letter – the wonderful man who adores you and your children and is so much a part of your “perfect life”? If you want to be more sexually adventurous, then give your husband the opportunity to participate. You can grow and change in the context of your marriage, especially if you’ll let your husband be part of your journey. He may share some of your anxieties.
Use this feeling as a sign that you’re ready to take your life to the next level.
A good therapist can help you to explore what that next level will be.
…
Dear Amy: I’m a 15-year-old girl, and I’ve been going out with my boyfriend, “Terrance,” for almost a year.
I really love him, but lately he’s been talking a lot about having sex.
I don’t think I’m ready to have sex, but Terrance keeps pressuring me.
Last week he told me that if we don’t have sex, he would leave me for someone who would.
What can I do to keep my boyfriend and my virginity?
– Confused Teen in D.C.
Dear Confused Teen: I can’t help but point out that someone who truly loves and respects you would never pressure you in this way.
He’s forcing you to choose, and though choosing isn’t a lot of fun, making choices is what growing up is all about.
I’d suggest that you retreat from Terrance.
…
Dear Amy: This is responding to a letter from “In the Know,” a 16-year-old who challenged your advice to ask school counselors for guidance.
Did you ever go to your school counselor for advice? Fifteen years ago I tried approaching our high school counselor several times. He offered no assistance when dealing with bullying.
His career advice was uninformed, lacked direction and wasted a semester of my time with studies that were not required.
When my brother committed suicide, I saw neither hide nor hair of my counselor on my return to school.
“You should try speaking to your school counselor” can sound like just another person saying, “I don’t have any idea of how to fix things.”
– Also Frustrated
Dear Frustrated: My defense of school counselors has unleashed a fusillade of complaints from readers about nonexistent or incompetent school counselors, complete with utter horror stories, such as yours.
In my initial research on this subject, I learned that education and training requirements for public school counselors varies widely.
When school counselors are trained and given a specific mandate that includes mental-health training, kids benefit.
My suggestion that young readers seek out their school counselors is one way of me trying to encourage them to reach out to an adult – any adult – whom they feel they can trust.
Send questions via e-mail to askamy@tribune.com or by mail to Ask Amy, Chicago Tribune, TT500, 435 N. Michigan Ave., Chicago, IL 60611.
