Q: I am trying to keep from getting depressed this year around the holidays. The problem is I get especially agitated at the kids, (one son and two daughters) or weary from all the work that needs to be done, or angry at my husband, sometimes all three. I feel as if I take some of the fun out of the season for my family. What causes people to become depressed this time of year? Is there a way to solve this?
– J.B.
A: The holiday season can easily trigger feelings of depression; however, depression is a treatable condition, and no one should suffer through it without help. If you experience short-lived bouts of the blues, call on your family and friends. Don’t over-schedule yourself. Limit traveling, entertaining and wanting to give too much to too many people. Set aside time just for you.
A common symptom of depression is irritability. Be aware of being easily agitated and explain to your family that you are struggling to overcome cranky moods.
If a gloomy state persists for two weeks or more, call the doctor. Like asthma and hypertension, prolonged depression is a medical condition that requires attention.
Seasonal affective disorder (SAD) is triggered by the reduced amount of winter sunlight and sets off depression in many individuals this time of year. If winter gets you down, spend at least one hour a day outdoors. Investigate the commercial “light boxes.”
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Q: I need some advice on helping siblings get along. My 5-year-old son gets mad at his 3-year-old brother and says, “I hate you.” He’s very convincing. When he tells me he hates his brother I don’t know what to say. His little brother idolizes him, and when they’re not fighting they play well together. Should I forbid him from saying he hates his brother?
– V.H.
A: No, don’t prohibit the word “hate.” Siblings have love-hate feelings because of the unavoidable rivalry for the attention of parents. Accept your older son’s bad feelings along with his good ones. Don’t attribute the meaning adults often associate with the word “hate” to your son’s outbursts. You don’t want to make him feel as if he is a bad person for having negative feelings for his brother.
Make it clear you understand his emotions by saying, “I know you’re really mad at your brother. We all feel angry at times.”
Make an effort to give the boys a lot of attention when they are playing well together. Praise their cooperation and reward them with treats.
Use a point chart to help your older son become more aware of his negative comments toward his brother.
Invite friends of both boys over so that each child has a playmate his own age. This gives your older son a chance to play as an equal, and gives your younger son a chance to practice leadership.
Write Cathleen Brown care of The Denver Post, 1560 Broadway, Denver, CO 80202 or CABrown500@yahoo.com.
