Dear Amy: Several months back I overstepped the boundary between my work and personal lives, and am now left in an uncomfortable position.
I have a wonderful job I look forward to each day. I had a terrible argument with my boyfriend, prompting me to become emotional at work. I explained to my boss in private that I was dealing with a personal issue. He was supportive, and I shared more than I am comfortable with.
Since that time, I have not involved my boyfriend in any work activities for fear either he will feel a cold shoulder from my boss or that my boss will think I am an idiot for still being with this guy.
Our company Christmas party is coming up. It is a lovely dinner at a top restaurant. I lied to my boyfriend and told him that partners weren’t allowed at the party. Now I feel terrible.
I may be presumptuous to think my boss gives much thought to my decisions, but I can’t shake the discomfort. How do I move forward with my professional and personal relationships intact?
– Walking a Thin Line
Dear Walking: Stop lying. I’m sure your boss understands that young couples sometimes have tumultuous ups and downs. You should publicly acknowledge your boyfriend to let your colleagues know you have patched things up. You don’t have to explain anything – it’s probably better if you don’t.
I hope you reconsider and bring your guy to the Christmas party. You can all begin the new year with a fresh outlook.
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Dear Amy: My husband and I are in our late 20s and have two boys: a 3-year-old and a 5-month-old. Since the babies’ births, we have incurred no new expenses in our budget. Everything is provided for us by my mother-in-law – diapers, formula, wipes, clothing, jackets, food, toys, holiday outfits. She also feels the need to provide us with basic essentials such as food, cleaning products and paper products – things we don’t need or want.
I resent this. My husband and I tell her we don’t need anything, yet she still arrives with anything she can think of to bring us. It is baffling to me. I am a simple person who likes to live frugally, yet my townhouse is overflowing with items we don’t use or want. It makes much more work for me to find places to donate this stuff. It makes me feel as though our household and children aren’t “ours,” but hers, because she has paid for everything.
I’ve talked to my husband about it, and he agrees with me, but he won’t act on it. My relationship with my mother-in-law has been primarily positive, but I’m starting to feel the strain.
– Grateful but Determined DIL
Dear Grateful: Your husband is not doing you any favors. By not standing up to his mother, he is letting her control your family. Her generosity is a form of control, and if he doesn’t grow a backbone now, she will overwhelm your sons.
The longer you wait to have this conversation, the more likely it won’t go well. The two of you should sit down with her and tell her that you appreciate how generous she has been, but that you can’t continue to accept household goods from her. Tell her it makes you uncomfortable and that you have to donate the overflow to charities.
Perhaps your mother-in-law would like to contribute to a college fund for the kids. You could suggest this if she asks.
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Dear Amy: I just read the letter from “Susan in Va.,” who wanted to know what to do with documents from her deceased parents and relatives.
She could send them to her local genealogical society or the one where her family predominantly resided. Those items are like gold to those of us researching family history.
– Brenda in Chicago
Dear Brenda: I’ve heard from dozens of readers encouraging donation of family documents to historical or genealogical societies.
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