Dear Amy: I have a 2-year-old girl.
My mother baby-sits my daughter once a week for a few hours. When she comes over, she always has to bring some type of food for my daughter, from junk food to cans of soup.
It has gotten to the point that my daughter runs to the door when she hears her, and asks for a snack.
On the days my mother sits for us, my daughter almost always refuses to eat dinner. Amy, I have always had a weight issue, as have most of my family members.
I take pride in the choices I give my daughter for snacks and food, providing her with good food choices, unlike those I had growing up.
I have asked my mother on several occasions to stop bringing the snacks, etc., and I get the same answer ever time, “That’s what grandmothers do!” Then she proceeds to tell me how snacks are important and that my daughter is hungry. The excuses go on and on.
It’s a fight every week with the same issue. I need her to sit for us, so keeping her away is not an option.
-Frustrated Mom
Dear Mom: Your mother doesn’t respect the boundaries you’ve established, and the two of you are engaging in a weekly power struggle over your daughter.
Grandmothers don’t automatically always feed snacks to their grandchildren. People who can’t figure out what other activities to do with toddlers resort to feeding them because it’s easy and pleasing, especially if you come from a family or a culture that values eating as a form of entertainment.
Take your mother on a trip to the supermarket and shop for healthy snacks that she can give to your daughter.
Two-year-olds love green grapes cut in pieces, popcorn, pretzel sticks, cooked peas and Cheerios or bran flakes. Orange slices and bananas are also healthy.
Let your mother take these snacks home with her so that she can “bring” them to your daughter when she comes to visit. That way your mother can have the satisfaction she seeks in providing your daughter with special snacks, and she and your daughter can learn some healthier eating habits.
. . .
Dear Amy: I just received an invitation from my best friend to her wedding in three weeks.
I am very upset by this. She is someone I talk to almost every day and see at least three to four times a week.
She has been engaged for almost a year! What I don’t understand is how she could keep something like this from me.
I wanted to be a part of her special day, or at least help with the food or the dress – anything besides a funky little invitation.
Her reason for not telling me about the wedding is because she says I am too bossy, which I do not deny. However, she could have at least told me and kindly declined any offers from me to help plan her wedding.
I have no intentions of going to her wedding, and I am considering ending this friendship.
Am I being unreasonable?
-Hurt in Georgia
Dear Hurt: I can certainly understand how hurt you are, but I hope this incident causes you to examine what it is about you that would cause your closest friend to labor so hard to keep you out of her wedding.
Perhaps this is your wake-up call.This might be the first day of the rest of your friendship. Talk it out and make your decision.
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