Q: I married an American in my country and moved to the United States because of the insecurity in Latin America, so my family is half-Latino.
My oldest son, Jose, was born in the same country as I; my youngest one, Pedro, was born in the U.S. My problem is that Jose won’t accept his culture. My house is decorated with things brought from the Latin American places we’ve been to, and we speak only Spanish at home even though my husband is white.
Once, when I cooked some frozen tacos, Jose asked with an incredulous face, “What is this?” It’s true we’re not Mexican, but any Latino living in this country knows what they are. It made me so angry. He was raised with beans and tortillas!
We speak of the beauty of our countries, their culture and music, and we travel to my home country whenever we can. He’s 11 years old and the younger one is 4. My younger son has fun speaking Spanish and knowing that there are a lot of people who are not bilingual. What do we do?
Catherine: Your son … needs space. It is normal for a kid his age to hate anything about his family that makes him different from his peers. During this stage, your son just wants to fit in, and he will fight violently against anything that makes him stand out.
The older he gets, the more independent his identity will become. Don’t be surprised if you see him finding a great deal of pride in his Latin roots later in his adolescence. Just give him time. The more he senses your anger right now, the more he will pull away.
Lily: I have a feeling my two boys won’t always want to acknowledge our little hometown of Zuazua as their own. They will probably request that I turn off the Tejano music as I drop them off at school. They may even get upset when I suggest tamales and “cajeta” as Christmas presents for their teachers.
At some point, “el que diran” will matter more than their cultural ID – be it hormones or phases or teenage revolt. “Dale tiempo al tiempo.” On his own, he will come to you and ask about family, about customs, about traditions. And never stop reminding both your sons of their heritage. They might act like they’re ignoring you – but they’re not.
Danny: Mom, is this you trying to get back at me for dyeing my hair blond and refusing to speak Spanish while learning a Texas accent? Can you please let it go? I was only 15 back then!
I guess I never told you how my friends made fun of me because of my accent. It made me feel different. I know they were all Mexican-Americans, Mom, but they didn’t sound or live like us. I just wanted to fit in and identify.
I am so glad you never made me feel ashamed for doing the things I did. You allowed me phases, dreams and freedoms, and were there to pick up the pieces. It was a good thing I left home for college because I learned that everything I ever wanted to be, you already were. What a turn, huh?
I realized YOU are my pillar of strength, my shining star, my hero. So you see, I do still speak Spanish, eat tamales and love “arroz y frijoles.” Everything I thought I never wanted to be a part of is still a part of me, including you and Dad. Thanks for just being my mom.
GLOSSARY
– cajeta: a caramel candy
– el que diran: what they might say
– dale tiempo al tiempo: give it some time
– arroz y frijoles: rice and beans
Consejos is a bilingual advice column on relationships, culture and identity. E-mail your questions or comments to consejos@dallasnews.com. Or send your letters to Consejos, c/o Texas Living, The Dallas Morning News, 508 Young St., Dallas, TX 75202.
