Q: Hi Scott,
I was reading the “” article, and it reminded me of my grandmother, who is also the same age, although is completely opposite.
In short, she cannot sit still – she always has to be working. If she is done cooking, she is cleaning the house, walking the dog (a 100-pound Belgian Shepherd), shoveling snow, etc., etc., etc.
She feels horrible with all the work, especially with all the health problems, but she just keeps doing everything, and no matter how much we try to convince her to just relax, she insists that since everyone is so busy, it’s her job.
I really don’t know what to do with her. Short of taking her hand and walking her to a chair and holding her there, nothing works.
Another thing that also affects everyone is her negativity about everything.
She is constantly commenting on how nothing will ever work out, and starts crying because she thinks she will end up with nothing, and there is nothing she can do about it. That even causes arguments sometimes too, about which she cries even more.
We really have tried to do everything we can think of about her, but nothing works.
My grandparents just recently moved in with my family and I have not seen them for years before that, and I would like to spend the little free time I have enjoying their company, talking, etc, not trying to convince one of them (sometimes both if it spreads) that the world isn’t going to end tomorrow and that she should not start planning to die (which gets really bad).
I read one reader’s response to “Mother Dearest,” where they suggested support groups, but those will not work because of the language barrier.
Anything you can suggest will help greatly. Thanks!
SCOTT: Let the poor woman do what she wants! Don’t bind her to a chair.
If she doesn’t want to sit around and watch Oprah, don’t force her. She’s active by nature and that’s a heckova lot better than rotting in a chair clutching a remote in her bony old hand.
The woman from the “Mother Dearest” column complained that her mother did nothing and you’re complaining that your grandmother does too much.
Oy vey! I’d take your situation over hers any day, but that’s not where I want to go with this.
Ignore her negative comments. I remember being young and how my now-late grandmother used to remind the family that she probably won’t be around much longer. But she lived like another 30 some odd years! God bless her.
We’re all going to be old someday (well I’m not, but you are) and probably a burden to others in some way. So enjoy your time with your grandparents, disregard your grandmother’s negativity and let her do what she wants.
Because one day, when we’re you’re old, someone will be taking care of you and let’s just hope they’re as kind as you are.