Dear Amy: I am the mom of a wonderful 3-year-old. I feel like I am the only mom in my area who does not send her 3-year-old to preschool. We go to the library for story time and attend play groups. My son knows his numbers, colors, etc.
My son will be almost 6 when he starts kindergarten. If I were to send him to preschool now, he would have three years of “school” before kindergarten! When asked if he is in preschool, I say, “No, I’m keeping him to myself.” Is this selfish? Why should I pay to send him to preschool when I could send him to day care? Preschool and day care are the same, right?
– No Preschool for Me
Dear No Preschool: No. Preschool and day care generally have different hours, staff with different certifications and qualifications, different standards regarding the ratio of staff to kids, and different age ranges.
Preschool is your choice. Story time, play groups and time with you are all vital to his emotional and intellectual development.
Zero to Three, a child advocacy group, says, “Learning social skills is certainly very important for young children. The more experience they have interacting with peers, the more they learn about how to get along with others, and the richer their world becomes as they develop new relationships.” My experience as a mom and substitute teacher at a preschool convinced me 3-to-5-year olds can benefit from a good preschool – partly since they learn social skills independently of their parents.
If you are not sending your son to preschool because you want him to yourself, that seems stifling. If it’s because he’s fine right where he is, more power to both of you.
…
Dear Amy: I am in an ethical quandary. Three of my friends – call them “Emily, Christopher and Jessica” – have become embroiled in a romantic situation that has me perplexed over what I should do.
Emily and Christopher had been going out for about nine months when they befriended Jessica. Jessica is lively and personable, and rapidly became close to Emily and Christopher.
Christopher gradually began spending more time with Jessica and less with Emily, and about six months after meeting Jessica, he broke up with Emily.
Christopher and Jessica became romantically involved. The implication is Jessica betrayed Emily, that she used her friendship to get close to Christopher and steal him away, but the reality may not be so clear.
I’m closest with Emily, and she is hurt. How should I relate to Jessica now? I don’t want to be judgmental, but if I remain friends with her, I feel disloyal to Emily. Jessica has always been friendly to me and hasn’t done anything directly to me.
– Confused in Connecticut
Dear Confused: In the old days, people could be cordial without having to disclose their every opinion, feeling and reaction. A person could be friendly without being intimate friends.
Let’s bring those days back.
If you are closest to Emily, stay closest to her. You can be cordial to Jessica and Christopher without getting embroiled in their relationship or judging their behavior. When they became involved, surely they knew their choice would have fallout – losing you and Emily as intimate friends might be it.
Emily has a right to expect you to be loyal to her, but she should not insist you stop interacting with the other two. The best way to preserve all these relationships is to maintain your position as the equivalent of Switzerland and insist everybody let you remain neutral.
…
Dear Amy: “Bad Neighbor” was worried about the condition of her house in a nice neighborhood. She should focus on the outside front. Even kids can help. It takes little money to clean, rake, weed, prune and slap a coat of paint on the mailbox.
A focused half-hour here and there makes progress.
– Suzanne
Dear Suzanne: A half-hour of energy can reap big payoffs – especially focused in one area.
E-mail askamy@tribune.com or write Ask Amy, Chicago Tribune, TT500, 435 N. Michigan Ave., Chicago, IL 60611.
