Q: I have a bright, 8-year- old son. His dad and I have lived separately since he was was 5, and he is with each of us half-time. Since kindergarten we’ve heard teachers describe him as not being focused. He is an excellent reader, and his grades are above average. Homework often takes twice as long as it should.
Our son’s math teacher is frustrated. Because of my ex’s concerns and the teacher’s observations, our son went to the school psychologist. The psychologist says he’s extremely bright, but is held back by his attention issues. He calls him a perfect candidate for medication. Our son’s doctor suggested a low dose of medication to see how things go. I’ve had my own frustrations with my son’s homework struggles, forgetfulness and constant need for direction. Most people I talk with say they would never consider medication. I’m feeling pressured mostly by my ex.
– C.N.
A: The decision to treat your son with medication is not easy. You don’t want friends, professionals or an ex-husband to make the choice for you. So become an expert on attention deficit hyperactivity disorder and methods of treatment.
Read Timothy Wilens book, “Straight Talk About Psychiatric Medication for Kids.” He describes ADHD as a condition related to disturbances in the neurotransmitters that appear to be deficient in specific regions of the brain. Think of ADHD as the air traffic controller of the brain asleep on the job. Stimulants can help the message center sort incoming data.
Read Edward Hollowell and John Ratey’s books on ADHD. These authors discuss both behavioral treatments and medication. Look also for books that include parents’ experiences with treating children.
Your son’s physician’s recommendation to try a low dose and see how things go is a wise approach. Medication helps some youngsters, but not all. You have to feel comfortable about the treatment in order to convey to your son that it can help him.
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Q: I am divorced and recently remarried. My daughters are 16 and 14 and live with us. My new husband has tried to be a good stepfather, but he likes to sit around home in his boxers. The girls say this makes them uncomfortable and they stay in their room when he does this. He thinks they are being ridiculous, since he is not exposing anything more than he would if he had on a bathing suit. I see his logic, but am concerned about the girls’ uneasiness.
– J.M.
A: Tell your husband you would like him to wear pants around the house. Teens do not want to see a parent in underwear, and underwear is definitely not a bathing suit.
Your friends or the girls’ friends might drop by. He should not risk causing anyone embarrassment. I hope he acknowledges not wanting to cause you or his stepdaughters any discomfort.
Write Cathleen Brown care of The Denver Post, 1560 Broadway, Denver, CO 80202, or CABrown500@yahoo.com.
