Q: I want to spend a romantic evening with my nonromantic husband this Valentine’s Day. I have never been to a restaurant on this day, and he has never done anything like this with me before. I am from Texas and of mixed Mexican and American heritage. He was born and raised in Guanajuato, Mexico. I wonder if my need to celebrate with him is because I am from the United States, while his lack of wanting to celebrate the day is because he is not. Or is it just that he is not romantic? Do you think culture has anything to do with our different views of celebrating this day?
Danny: Your husband’s cultural heritage may explain some part of his lack of romance, but then so does your notion that Valentine’s Day is going to fix it. My suggestion is to forgo Cupid’s arrow and start building intimacy and romance soul to soul.
The yearning for romance lies deeper than any overpriced meal, Godiva chocolates or the outrageous cost of red roses. Communication is key, and it’s free. You each have to know what makes the other laugh and cry, and what make your hearts race with anticipation. Sharing a genuine love is the first step toward intimacy, which in turn will lead you to the romance you seek.
Happiness can come only from within as it stems from two people caring for each other. Start building a relationship based on what you learn about each other.
When deciding what to do for Valentine’s Day, set your hearts free and into each other’s cuddle!
Lily: V-Day is such a setup for romantic disaster. It’s the day when women expect the love in their life to mesmerize them with candy, flowers, dinner, stuffed animals and, dare I say it, little blue boxes containing shiny expensive things! Talk about pressure, gentlemen.
Here’s my take: If your relationship does not have this kind of spark on regular days, don’t expect the stars and the moon on this Hallmark holiday.
Romance and little just-because detalles need to be spread out over the year and not saved up for this one day in February.
My advice? You want a romantic dinner? Make the reservations and tell him y’all are going. You ignite the spark. And try not to focus too much on what day it is. Make every day el dia de los enamorados. Besitos!
Catherine: We definitely have some love counselors in the house. Danny said you should release your soul into each other’s cuddle. Lily suggested you mandate a dinner. I say you should make a decision together.
No matter how unromantic your husband is, I know he would love to see you happy. Talk to him about what would bring out your beautiful sonrisa.
If he absolutely does not want to go out to eat, don’t push it. Ask him for his ideas of romance, and try to come to a solution together. Don’t drag your husband, kicking and screaming, to an overpriced meal in hopes that it will be romantic. Communicate with each other and come up with a plan that you both like.
Good luck, and like Lily, I hope you and your husband share many kisses this Valentine’s Day.
Glossary detalles: special details, gestures el día de los enamorados: literally, the day of those who are in love besitos: kisses; sonrisa: smile
Consejos is a bilingual advice column focused on relationships, culture and identity. E-mail your questions or comments to consejos@dallasnews.com. Or send your letters to Consejos, care of Texas Living, The Dallas Morning News, 508 Young St., Dallas, TX 75202.
