Let’s just get right to the point: I despise Valentine’s Day.
It’s not because I’m an anti-romance guy who doesn’t believe in roses, a luxurious meal and nice gifts for my wife, it’s because I believe in roses, a luxurious meal and nice gifts for my wife – just not on a day when some retailer says I should.
We are constantly bombarded with images of being lovey-dovey on Valentine’s Day but act as if that isn’t a worthy thing to do the other 364 days of the year. The peer pressure is amazing. Men go absolutely nuts as the pressure chokes them to death to get the right gift, do the right thing, or else your wife or girlfriend will descend into a catatonic state because of your so-called callous behavior.
Take the flowers, for instance. There are countless women who will go bonkers if their man doesn’t send them flowers to the job for Valentine’s Day. Oh, no, not because of love, but because she’ll feel so inadequate compared to the other women in the office who get flowers. I’ve seen this so many times, it makes me want to throw up. A couple of women don’t get flowers and the others stand in the corner, wondering if their marriage is on the rocks. They will shoot her the “poor girl” looks, and God forbid see them later. They might as well take them outside and flog them for being so inconsiderate.
But the flowers charade is idiotic. If I chose to buy my wife a dozen roses in January, I could pay $40. But because of Valentine’s Day, that shoots up to $75 and $80. Do a few days make that much of a difference? I’ve seen men on Feb. 14 shut down important meetings because they didn’t get the right gift, and they don’t want to see their significant other unhappy.
OK, we all want to see our wives or girlfriends happy, but why should she be so unhappy on Feb. 14 as opposed to Feb. 13? The one thing about my wife and I is that we don’t assign a tremendous value to these silly holidays. We also don’t go nuts at Christmas or on birthdays. What matters most is the love we share 24/7, 365. That love isn’t measured by flowers that will eventually die or a shirt that we may toss out in a year.
I believe in sending flowers, taking her out to eat, buying funny love cards and purchasing gifts all throughout the year.
If you make a regular part of your existence to treat your wife like a queen and your husband like a king, then good for you. You shouldn’t feel sorry if you don’t do something special on Valentine’s Day, and you should tell your peers the same.
Materialism has so overtaken us that we don’t even understand what true love is. When my wife and I got engaged, I didn’t even propose.
The Lord told me that she was my wife, and I went with that. She got her ring the day before the wedding. Was she going nuts because she didn’t have a ring to show everyone that it was solidified? No. She understood where we were with our finances and could live with that.
Show and tell isn’t important to her. Learning to grow in love is.
If you and your spouse have a healthy relationship, and you choose to celebrate Valentine’s Day as two mad-in-love people, great. But don’t feel pressured to do something extravagant – and break the budget – because of a retail holiday.
The right spouse who appreciates you on July 14 or March 14 will love you no less on Feb. 14.
Syndicated columnist Roland S. Martin (www.rolandsmartin.com) is author of “Speak, Brother! A Black Man’s View of America.”
