Editor’s note: in case you missed it, you can read a transcript of Scott’s live chat yesterday . Scott had fun, we had fun and we think you had fun if you were in the chat room. Let us know if you’d like to have Scott do it again, or if you’d like Scott to do chats regularly.
Q: Dear Scott,
I am confused by a friend’s behavior lately. She has historically had issues with her grown children. They forget her on holidays, don’t acknowledge her birthday, etc.
I know this is a painful thing for her, so I always try to include her in my family’s holidays and do things with her on her birthday etc. This year we had made plans to go out for her birthday, and I entered the date in my PDA.
Unfortunately, my PDA died and I had not backed up the data on it recently. I e-mailed her right away knowing that her birthday was approaching and let her know what had happened and asked her to remind me of the date we had planned.
I have e-mailed twice and called twice to try to get her to pony up the dates and she refuses each time. She tells me to forget about it.
I am very frustrated by her behavior. I keep everything on my PDA, so that I do not have to rely on my less than perfect memory!
I know her birthday month, just not the date. I feel I have made a conscientious effort to follow up with her, and now I feel like she is just trying to lay a guilt trip on me.
What do you think and how would you suggest I should have dealt with this?
Thank you!
SCOTT: What a kind and thoughtful friend you are! It’s not your fault that your friend’s kids forget their mother, and it’s not your responsibility to pick up the slack and take care of her on her birthday.
So the date got lost, so what?
You had a good excuse, and still tried in good faith to keep your engagement. How generous is that!
Don’t accept the guilt your friend is dishing out, because you haven’t done anything wrong. She’s too busy feeling so sorry for herself, which is too bad.
The two of you could’ve gone out and had a good time. OK, whatever.
We both know you’re a considerate friend, so why not do this: send a gift and card and call it a day.