For every person who freaks out at the thought of being even a minute late, there’s another who is content to get there when he gets there. And each drives the other one nuts.
“You don’t want to be the dinner guest who shows up a half-hour early,” says the very punctual Steve Edmonds, vice president for development at Hospice of Metro Denver, “but in general, we all have a tendency to overestimate our ability to move between points A and B.”
Time-management expert Diana DeLonzor, author of “Never Be Late Again: Seven Cures for the Punctually Challenged,” says “Chronic lateness can be a surprisingly difficult habit to overcome.
“Tardiness,” DeLonzor maintains, is a “more complex problem than it may seem. Telling a late person to just be on time is a little like telling a dieter to simply stop eating so much. Like many negative habits, even those with the best intentions can come up short.”
Those who wait aren’t always as patient, or understanding, as they might let on.
Realtor Edie Marks says late-arriving clients add “an hour to my day, every day. They always blame construction on I-25, but you know what? That’s been going on for several years now, so you make a point of starting out earlier.”
Five or 10 minutes she can handle, but cooling her heels for more than an hour is almost as unforgivable as people who show up late for an appointment “and don’t even offer an excuse.”
The excrutiatingly punctual Sharon Whiton Gelt, who says she owes her sterling on-time record to “having been at this for 25 years and knowing how long it takes to get from one side of town to another,” says simply to plan.
Being on time is “a quality that shows the respect you have for other people,” Gelt says. “When you’re not on time, you’re sending a message, whether you’re conscious of it or not, that ‘I don’t care about your time.’ And that means ‘I have no respect for you.’ Not to care about other people’s time is rude and arrogant, because time is one thing you can never give back.”
Scaling back increasingly overcommitted lives is an obvious option for overcoming tardiness. Gelt has reduced the number of boards and charities with which she’s involved to about 12, which is down by about half from her all-time high. “Quality is better than quantity,” she reasons. Her personal best? Making it on time to eight functions or meetings in one day.
Publicist Susan Hagar has days when she juggles up to four business appointments with three or four trips to the Regis High School pool, where her children’s swim team practices. She describes herself as a “ridiculously punctual person,” and attributes her timeliness to an ability to draw boundaries.
“As much as I try, I can’t get more than 24 hours in a day, so I schedule accordingly,” she says. “Besides, life is about balance, and you can’t have balance if you’re overscheduled.”
DeLonzor is more forgiving, perhaps because she has been there herself.
“I used to be late for everything,” she concedes, “and while we often accuse tardy types of wanting attention or of needing to be in control, the motivations are often subconscious ones. While some people are drawn to the adrenaline rush of that last-minute rush to the finish line, others receive an ego boost from overscheduling and filling each moment with activity. Still others have difficulty conforming to rules and structure.”
Cellphones and BlackBerries are great for calling, or text-messaging, ahead to let others know when traffic jams or a last-minute phone call at work causes a delay. They also aid and abet the chronic latecomers.
“Cellphones are great because you can call the person who is waiting for you in the Tech Center and say you’re en route from Golden, and no one is the wiser,” says Edmonds of Hospice of Metro Denver. “Whereas if you were calling from your home phone, the person on the other end is going to know you just got out of bed and are heading into the shower. We’ve all pushed that envelope, and once it works, it’s hard to get out of the habit.”
Cellphones have become so ingrained in everyday life that the novelty isn’t to see someone with one, but someone without.
“Who goes to a business meeting or social function without a cell or PDA in their pocket or Judith Leiber bag?” Edmonds asks. “And who ever imagined, even 10 years ago, that we’d reach a point where no matter where we are – a funeral or a symphony concert – someone always has to get up and remind the audience to turn their phones off?
But before we beat up ourselves for being late once again, consider the following:
Several years ago, former President Ramos of the Philippines launched a formal Week of Punctuality. A kickoff ceremony was arranged, which Ramos was to have presided over.
Unfortunately, he overslept and turned up an hour late.
Staff writer Joanne Davidson can be reached at 303-809-1314 or jmdpost@aol.com.
THE WAITING GAME
Bill Clinton, Robert Redford, Richard Gere, Farrah Fawcett and Cher are famous for never being on time. More members of the better-late-than-never club include:
Strokes lead singer John Casablancas recently left author Jay McInerney (“Bright Lights Big City”) cooling his heels for five hours waiting to interview him for a magazine profile. When Casablancas did show, he said he’d fallen asleep and was “a little bit sad.”
The callboy in a Paris theater once notified perennially late actress Sarah Bernhardt of the first-act curtain by saying: “Madame, it will be 8 o’clock when it suits you.”
Singer Whitney Houston arrived two hours late for a White House dinner honoring South African President Nelson Mandela. When someone asked why, Houston shrugged and replied she’d just gotten off tour. She had – four days earlier.
Fashionistas never expect the fall and spring collection shows to start on time, but even they deemed it “unacceptable” when industry darling Marc Jacobs started his 2005 show 97 minutes late. It might have been OK had Jacobs taken a cue from two of his colleagues: Gucci made nice by serving wine; Roberto Cavalli sweetened the wait with chocolates.
Baseball’s Yogi Berra, who once explained his late arrival by pointing out “This is the earliest that I’ve ever been late.”
Sources: The New York Times, anecdotage.com
SEVEN TYPES OF TARDY PEOPLE
Rationalizers: They deny their problem and maintain they’re late only occasionally.
Indulgers: Run late because they give in to procrastination. They lack self-discipline and moral fiber. Should join the military.
Deadliners: Get their thrills from crisis-induced adrenaline, so they almost enjoy missing planes, trains, weddings, birthdays.
Perfectionists: Tend to be female, hence the Washington Post-style neologism “inerstrogen” to describe the state of trying on five outfits, four hairstyles and three types of lipstick while in a tearing hurry.
Rebels: Time is so bourgeois. And what better way to show your contempt for society than by freeing yourself from the shackles of the schedule. Should the revolution come, they would miss it.
Absent-minded professors: They get easily distracted en route. They’re the ones who actually stop and smell the flowers.
Producers: Feel unimportant and self-medicate by overscheduling.
Source: Diana DeLonzor, “Never Be Late Again: Seven Cures for the Punctually Challenged”
