Q: My 12-year-old daughter still wets the bed at night. None of the possible solutions recommended by her doctor has worked; therefore she wears disposable undergarments at night. Her 14-year-
old sister knows because they share a room. The girls do not get along well, and after a recent quarrel my elder daughter told other kids at school, including that she wears “diapers” to bed. We had strictly forbidden her from doing this. Now, our younger daughter is being teased unmercifully, especially by the boys. We have grounded her sister and taken away her allowance indefinitely as punishment; however, this cannot undo the harm she has created. I am at wits’ end with how to deal with this.
– S.C.
A: Start by helping your younger daughter find a solution to her bedwetting. Research studies show that an alarm that sounds when moisture hits the mattress has the best record for stopping bedwetting. Doctors have discovered that a mild anti-depressant helps rouse children who sleep heavily and fail to awaken to the body’s bladder signal. Talk to her pediatrician about this treatment. Search the Internet for help.
Make an appointment with a therapist for your younger daughter to help her learn strategies for handling unkind comments from her peers. Work with your elder daughter to help her learn how to deal with conflict, jealousy and anger, and to control her tendency to be cruel.
I do not advise taking away allowances since that is something that belongs to her and violates the rule of not taking things that belong to others. …
Q: We have a 2 1/2-year-old girl and a 6-month-old son. The kids are adorable, although being a parent is more work than I ever imagined. My husband spends time with the kids and helps around the house. The problem is he and I seem almost like strangers. We rarely have time to talk or even be alone. I miss feeling special. Do other parents feel this way?
– No name please
A: Most parents recognize that children create stress on the marital relationship because they force a major change in the focus. It’s easy for a partner to feel neglected when children become the center of attention. In the early years parents have to respond to children’s needs and have little free time. Gradually, children depend on others for care, and parents get a part of their life back.
Make spending time with your partner a top priority. Set aside some part of the day for just the two of you. Set aside one evening each week for a special night out.
Plan a hike, a bike trip or a picnic. Trade babysitting duties with friends or family so you can enjoy time away from the children at virtually no cost. The bottom line is you are in charge of making sure your life is filled with joy and pleasure.
Write Cathleen Brown care of The Denver Post, 1560 Broadway, Denver, CO 80202 or CABrown500@yahoo.com.
