Somewhere in an alternate Oscar universe, movie fans will be poised tonight on the edge of their couches to hear whether “Walk the Line” or “The Constant Gardener” wins best picture.
It feels like a rare year where separate awards ceremonies must in fact exist on the Astral Plane and the Populist Plane. While critics generally agreed on about three of the five official best-picture selections for this year’s Academy Awards, so many other 2005 worthies had to be left out that justice demands they be remembered.
“Brokeback Mountain” and “Crash” may be the front-runners for tonight’s Academy Awards telecast. But you can fill in the commercial gaps during the broadcast by making up alternative ballots commemorating everything from “Syriana” to “The Three Burials of Melquiades Estrada.”
And those populists stewing in utter disenfranchisement from tonight’s best picture race can make a worthwhile list starting with “The Chronicles of Narnia” and concluding with “Wedding Crashers.” Outsiders ranging from family values advocates to anti-elitist media watchdogs want to know why the movies that please audiences most – and prove it with box office moxie – don’t get the love at Oscar time.
Let’s begin with a few best-picture lists that parallel the actual choices, and could easily have slipped their candidates in had a few nominating votes shuffled around.
First Alternate List: Few historians would look back in anger on a year that nominated “The Constant Gardener,” “Syriana,” “A History of Violence,” “The New World” and “The Three Burials of Melquiades Estrada.”
Compare that bunch of also-rans with the actual nominees from 1991. Could you name a quality movie in the group after that year’s winner, “The Silence of the Lambs”? “Bugsy” doesn’t trip off the lips, nor “JFK,” nor the maudlin “The Prince of Tides.” And Disney’s animated “Beauty and the Beast” seems like an anomaly.
Wait, we’re not done yet.
The A list is great, the B list is impressive, but 2005 also spawned a tremendous C list that will prosper on DVD for months to come.
Second Alternate List: Would it have killed us to see a best-picture category including “Walk the Line,” “Pride & Prejudice,” “Cinderella Man,” “Hustle & Flow” and “The Squid and the Whale”?
Finally, take a moment to acknowledge plenty of Oscar haters who clamor for a list of movies that people actually went to see. The Dove Foundation, for example, has campaigned for “Chronicles of Narnia” because it’s a family-friendly flick with strong morals and a still-climbing take of $288 million.
Of all the movies even mentioned as best-picture candidates, only “Walk the Line” broke last year’s top 20 at the box office with sales of $117 million. “Brokeback” has about $75 million, and “Crash” $53 million.
The Populist Picture list would include “Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith” at $380 million, “Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire” at $288 million, “Chronicles” and “War of the Worlds” at $234 million and “King Kong” at $216 million.
That’s what the People’s Choice Awards are for, you say. True, and “Star Wars Episode III” landed the honors in that January ceremony. “Charlie and the Chocolate Factory,” at $206 million, won for best family movie.
It’s a tough argument that true movie fans could hang a whole year on those mile-wide, inch-deep features. But it is worth noting, at least, the contrast between what sells in the suburbs and what sings at the ballot box.
These lists are by no means the definitive end to the long season of Awards Arguments. Do comedies deserve more critical recognition? Then your 2005 ballot might read “Wedding Crashers,” “The 40-Year-Old Virgin,” “Hitch,” “Mr. & Mrs. Smith” and “Fun With Dick and Jane.”
But I’ll draw the line, not walk it, at any groundswell for a horror category. There simply weren’t any in 2005 worth mentioning. I’ll nominate “Dukes of Hazzard” for best horror show. A winner by acclamation.
Staff writer Michael Booth can be reached at 303-820-1686 or mbooth@denverpost.com.
